"He won't."
"You don't know that."
"I know enough."
She didn't like that. I could tell.
But she let it go.
"Where are you going?" she asked, because I'd already stood up.
"Out."
"Out where? Maisie, we are still having a serious conversation."
"I know."
"Don't you dare cut me off. The lag makes that extra rude."
I looked through her flickering image to the window again.
Kazan was out there somewhere, probably being honorable and miserable and convinced he was doing me a favor.
Men.
"I have to go find him," I said.
"Maisie—"
I ended the call before the rest of the warning could cross the galaxy.
Then I went to get my boots.
10
MAISIE
The orchard was still drippingfrom the storm when I went looking for Kazan.
Water slid off the leaves and pattered onto the wet ground. My boots sank a little with every step, but I kept going. I’d made up my mind over cold coffee and too much thinking, and if I stopped now, I might lose my nerve.
I was going to tell him.
The audit didn’t matter. The days didn’t matter. Or they mattered, but not enough to keep pretending there was nothing between us. I didn’t want him sleeping out in the fields because he thought being near me was some kind of danger. I didn’t want careful distance.
I wanted him.
I’d practiced the words twice in the kitchen.
They’d sounded ridiculous both times.
But I was still going to say them.
“Kazan?” I called.
No answer.
Everything smelled clean and sharp after the rain. He wasn’t under the fig tree or near the fence. He wasn’t anywhere I expected him to be.
