“Stay,” I repeated when he didn’t answer right away.
I looked up at him, studying the way the lamp on my bedside table cast shadows on his face. His eyes moved up my body to my face and a small smile formed on his lips. He collapsed down onto the bed next to me and laid flat on his back, his hands folded behind his head. I turned off the lamp and settled beside him. It didn’t take long before he pulled me closer to his body.
My head settled onto his chest, and we made small talk until his words slowly died off and his breathing grew deep and steady. He’d fallen asleep.
I tried to fall asleep, but without Rowan’s low voice, my thoughts started to get loud.
Why had I asked him to stay? Why had I gotten jealous watching Liam and Jonesy together? It hadn’t just been when I’d gone to see them after bye week. Every time I saw them together lately, my vision tinted green with jealousy. I wanted what they had.
I wanted what they had withRowan.
The realization hit me like a defensive lineman, and just like when I got hit by one of them, it knocked the breath out of me.
I didn’t just enjoy the physical thing I had with Rowan Rangecroft. He hadn’t just caught my eye like Aunt Ethel had said. If that were the case, then I wouldn’t have asked him to stay the night. I wouldn’t have felt jealous seeing the love Liam and Jonesy had for one another. I would have been content with getting off and him going home.
It was more than that.
It was the conversations. It was the meals he cooked. It was the way he made me laugh. It was the gentle way he cupped my face when we kissed, like I was something precious to him.
The more I thought about it, the faster my thoughts went.
I couldn’t lay in bed anymore.
I carefully lifted the heavy arm he had draped over me and rolled away from him. Once I extricated myself from the bed, I pulled on the underwear I’d worn on the plane and crept out of my bedroom.
I needed to think, and for some reason, I thought better when I had a project. My pantry could use a good organizing. It had been too long. Every time I put away groceries, I just piled everything into empty spots on the shelves. I never knew what I had. Not that it mattered, because I didn’t really cook much. Rowan’s pantry was so organized. Aunt Ethel’s was, too.
I started to pull everything off the shelves and placed them on the counter. I had a lot of food for someone who didn’t cook. I didn’t even remember buying all of it. Why did I have three unopened boxes of instant rice? Why did I have so many packages of instant mashed potatoes? I didn’t evenlikecreamed corn, but I somehow had six cans of it.
Oh wait, that one I remembered. I’d been ordering food for Easter dinner at Aunt Ethel’s and I’d clicked the wrong corn. I hadn’t wanted her to know, so I hid it in the back of my pantry where I’d forgotten about it.
Maybe I should make a pile of food to donate. Did I really needthreeboxes of instant rice and that many mashed potatoes? I started moving food that I didn’t want any more to the end of the counter. I’d find some place to donate it another time. It shouldn’t be too hard. I was pretty sure the Scorpions had contacts at local food banks, and our social media director would know who I needed to reach out to. Thank goodness I had a good relationship with her.
My brain started to quiet down as I sorted food into types: packets, boxes, cans. I started focusing so hard I didn’t hear the bedroom door or Rowan’s footsteps. I didn’t notice him leaning against the kitchen wall until he cleared his throat, causing me to drop a pack of muffin mix Ray had bought for me after a failed attempt at homemade muffins. I’d forgotten about that pack of muffin mix, too.
“Is everything okay?” Rowan asked as I bent down to pick up the muffin mix.
I sighed and put the packet with the others. “Couldn’t sleep.”
Rowan raised an eyebrow and took a step closer to me. He looked at the food spread around the counter. “Do you—uh—do you regularly organize your pantry when you can’t sleep?”
“No,” I answered honestly. I felt my cheeks burn with embarrassment, but I didn’t want to start being dishonest with him now. “I clean when my head’s getting too loud.”
Rowan took another step forward. He cocked his head to the side. “And your head was too loud tonight?”
“Yeah.” I nodded and picked up a box of macaroni and cheese. I put it with the other boxes. “So, I decided to clean out my pantry. I didn’t know I had this much food.”
“Since you don’t cook?”
“Since I don’t cook.”
Rowan plucked the can of peas I’d just picked up out of my hands and put it with the other cans. “Do you want to talk about it?”
No.
“Probably.”
Rowan looked over at the couch and then back at me. “Couch?”
