1. BLAINE
I’ve laid on way too many filthy bathroom floors drunk and high out of my mind. Count this as another one. I can’t see straight, and my mind keeps screaming Eden’s name. Where the fuck is she? Last night was a blur. I stood in her room for a few minutes calling for her, before a staff member rushed in. The police descended, the director and Dr. Hart had heated words, and noticeably absent were Matt, Hutton, and Caleb. I can’t help but think one or more of them could be involved.
Keir took a nasty knock to the back of his head, but he should survive. The faint pulse I felt on his neck didn’t calm my nerves. Whoever attacked him likely has Eden with them right now. The local police weren’t too impressed that for a second time I’m involved with an incident at the Wellness Center. I don’t blame them. It looks sketchy as fuck.
I wasn’t doing Keir any good sitting in the waiting room of the hospital. Telling myself that softens the loathing I’m feeling towards myself right now. What kind of asshole spins out of control when his best friend needs him most? Me. I’m that asshole. Fuck. Eden would be hurt and revolted by my behavior. Here I am failing her again.
After I left my cell phone number with a nurse at the hospital, asking her to call me when Keir wakes up, I rage ran directly to the nearest liquor store. The startled elderly clerk kept giving me concerned looks as I piled the bottles onto the counter in front of him. That’s when I noticed Keir’s blood smeared on the back of my hand. “What?” God, I can be an absolute prick sometimes. “This is a liquor store and I’m purchasing some. Is that a problem?”
It wasn’t easy lugging the three bags filled with alcohol the rest of the way back to my rented apartment but operating on pure adrenaline and fear I did it. In my mind, I kept running through scenarios. I can’t help the sinking feeling that Eden has snapped. When I straightened her room up, the papers I stacked had ‘Time is now’ jotted down several times. Not to mention all her belongings were cleared out of the room. I don’t understand why she’d attack Keir though. Nothing is adding up. Then my mind latches on Caleb. He’s already attacked someone. Did something trigger him? That doesn’t explain the message on the wall. Fuck. I came back here to support Eden’s quest to find her brother and the only thing I’ve managed to do is muddy the waters further.
I don’t even bother to mix myself a drink, once I’m inside. Throwing the screw top of the vodka across the room, I chug a third of the bottle. The burn of it going down my throat and causing my eyes to water doesn’t stop me. “Fuuuuccck!” I kick the wall. I try Eden’s cell phone again and it’s still off or dead. Why didn’t I think of putting a tracker app on her phone? Because that’s next level psycho, that’s why.
Time becomes irrelevant as I soak my brain in alcohol and down the few pills I can scrounge from the pocket of a pair of jeans. It deadens the feeling of loss. I keep my cellphone in my hand, glancing at it constantly. No call from the hospital, Eden, or Matt. Not that in my current state I’d be a help to anyone. Fulfilling my dad’s prophecy of uselessness. By the time I crawl to the toilet to heave up stomach acid, and the obscene amount of alcohol, I’ve lost the plot entirely. Eden could have run off with Caleb to start a new life. Joined the fucking circus. I don’t know anymore what to believe about this mess of a summer.
The ringing of my phone in the distance wakes me up. I can’t move quickly or my head’s pulsating ratchets up. Christ, I’m still drunk and it’s now daylight. Bracing myself on the wall as I look for my discarded phone, I creep along. The ringing cuts off as I spot it half under the kitchenette table. It lights up when it starts to ring again. It’s fucking Matt. Great. “Yeah?” I wince, the mere act of talking making my head feel like it’s splitting the fuck open.
“You’re intoxicated? Are you fucking serious?” The angry growl of his voice makes me hold the phone a few inches from my face. “Where the hell are you?” For a split second I consider hanging up on him. The sanctimonious fuck. He doesn’t get to judge me for screwing up… again. He didn’t find someone in a puddle of blood and his best friend missing. “Blaine?! Fucking answer me.”
“Can you stop yelling?” My voice cracks, “I’m not feeling so hot.” I lean over the kitchen sink on the verge of losing any liquid left in my body.
“Where are you?”
I set my cell phone down and grip my head. I don’t want to deal with him. I hear him talking loudly but don’t catch what he’s saying before I pick it back up. “… let her down. Are you ready to clean your act up?”
“Did you find Eden?” I’m not sure what time or day it is. I made sure to get fucked the hell up. Stuffing all the crap happening down as far as possible.
“I don’t have time to deal with you.” He says something under his breath, “No. I’m not having this conversation with you until you’re sober. Are you going to tell me where you’re at?”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him off. Where does he get off? My self-loathing is already at an all time high, he doesn’t need to dump on. I just want news about Ed. Because a world without her isn’t one I’m interested in. I relent and tell him the address of the apartment. Fuck it. If answers are coming in the form of an asshole FBI agent, then I better suck it up. “Keep your opinions about my choices to yourself.” I end the conversation with that directive and promptly dry heave over the sink.
Time lags as I try and clean myself up and change. The process hindered by the fact that I’m still not sober. It takes three tries to get my shorts on. Dragging myself to the door when I hear sharp knocks and Matt yelling to open up. I want to punch him in the face so badly. Can’t he just ease up for a minute? “Son of a bitch… Why don’t you use a blowhorn? Dick.” I pull the door open and step back to let him in. Disgust is etched on his face.
“What do you know?” I ask him as I let the door swing shut behind him. “Any news on Keir?”
Matt crosses his arms over his chest and sneers at me. “Do you really care? You left him alone at the hospital to go get drunk or high… or both. It’s a damn good thing that they had Dr. Vargas’s information.” I’m a piece of shit. Damnit. I can’t even respond to his question. Drinking and numbing myself was my only concern.
I study the floor at my feet instead of looking Matt in the face. “Is he going to be okay?” I don’t want to be this person. The unreliable, fucked up, asshole. Keir has no one. I reluctantly formed a friendship with him because he extended that hand. Why would Eden consider me capable of love if friendship looks difficult for me? I can’t remember ever feeling this shitty about myself.
He doesn’t answer me, instead he’s picking my mess up. The clink of empty bottles being thrown aggressively into the trash is the only noise in the apartment. Once he’s managed to straighten things, he’s at my side hooking one hand under my armpit to haul me up. “Can you walk on your own?” He sounds fed up with me.
I shake him off me. “Yes. Are you going to answer me? Do you know anything?” I stumble and correct myself before Matt can grab ahold of me. “Please tell me that the FBI isn’t completely in the dark here.”
“Keir hasn’t regained consciousness yet. As for Eden…” Matt’s face twists with anguish. “Both she and Caleb are unaccounted for.” That’s what we’re calling it? Like they missed a head count? Fuck.
“Where’s Hutton at?” I shouldn’t assume that he knows something, but that’s the feeling I’ve had about him since I met him.
“With Rick and Todd. He was cleared of all charges this evening. We were meeting with the Federal prosecutor at the local FBI office when I heard about what happened.” So, he has an alibi. Perfect. That just leaves a long list of graduate students, staff, and residents.
“I’m just going to throw this out there… if the FBI vetted the people at the Wellness Center, they did a bang-up job of it.” It only makes sense that the attacks against Eden were carried out by someone at the Center. “What happens now?” Matt grabs my arm to steady me when I sway trying to walk to the door of the apartment. “What can we do?”
“I’m on my way to the Center to meet with the Director, Dr. Wallen, Dr. Hart, and my boss. You’re not doing anything… other than sleeping this off.” He can fuck right off if he thinks I’m going to bed while Eden’s whereabouts are still in question.
“No. You can’t order me to do anything. I need to look for Ed.” That declaration would mean more if I didn’t have to grab the doorframe to avoid face planting in front of him.
“How are you going to do that?” I don’t miss the sarcasm.
“Who’s going to stop me?” Again, if I didn’t sway slightly, it would sound more confident.
