11. CALEB
Every person that enters my room gets questioned about how Eden is doing. I don’t stop doing that until a nurse tells me that there are medical rules that prohibit them from telling me another patient’s status. She was kind enough to pray with me, though.
Someone contacted my older brother Jed and he’s been sitting next to me in silence for a while. “I thought I saw you.” He looks up from the devotional he’d been reading to me. My memories have been all over the place.
“What do you mean you saw me? Are you hallucinating again, Caleb?” I don’t want to disappoint him, he seemed so happy that I’d stopped seeing and hearing things in the last couple of weeks. Keir hinted that Jed might be trying to hurt me, but I know him better than that. There were too many nights that he hid with me from my uncle or father.
“When I was in the woods, I thought you were there before…” My voice drifts off. None of the memories feel solid. I could be wrong. “I’m not sure.”
“My place is small, but I think you should come stay with me when you’re discharged. That place hasn’t been good for you.” This isn’t the first time that Jed has said that. I don’t want to burden him. Plus, I’m not leaving Eden. I’m not dead and to me that’s a clear sign that my purpose is tied to hers.
“I appreciate the offer, but I want to stay at the Center.” Jed’s face falls and he sighs. I can’t explain this to him. In his eyes, I’m the disappointing younger brother. He’s always thought he had to protect me from my path, my other family members, and even my own impulses.
“Caleb, you know I was over two hundred miles away working road construction when I got the call about what happened. I wasn’t there.” His voice sounds careful. I regret even saying anything, since the past two days of memories are fuzzy at best.
“I know.” My voice shakes slightly. I believe him, but there’s something nagging at the back of my mind. It might not be about Jed, but it’s about my memories. “You’d never hurt me.” I’m sure of that. He was the one that got word to me about leaving the work farm. He borrowed a friend’s vehicle and in the dead of night travelled to get me. He secured my placement at the Wellness Center. He wants a future for me.
“Has father tried to find out about me?” I know the answer, but a part of me hopes he cares that I’ve gone missing from the work farm.
“Caleb, you know that he doesn’t communicate with me at all. I haven’t existed since I left the faith and you don’t either now. I’m… sorry.” Jed punches at his thigh lightly. “Our father won’t acknowledge us anymore, but we have each other. You’re not alone.” Closing my eyes, I keep my thoughts to myself. Jed is more of a stranger to me now than my newfound friends. Eden and Keir both feel closer. Sometimes when I think of Hutton’s advice, he even seems to care. Jed’s visits have dwindled since he’s working a lot and usually hours away.
“Rest up. I’ll call you; I picked up a prepaid cell phone for you to use. My number is in there.” Jed nods my way. There’s never been much affection between us. It’s just not the way we grew up. I could have used a hug, though.
Blaine passes by Jed as he walks out the door. He ignores him when it looks like Jed is going to talk to him. Being sure to close the door after he’s through, Jed’s face reddens at the move. “Hey, sunshine,” Blaine quips as he moves the chair near the wall closer. “How’s the shoulder?” He points at the bullet wound that is at a stomach-turning level with pain.
“It’s okay.” It’s not, but I’m grateful that God delivered me from the brink of death, I’m not about to complain.
Blaine rolls his eyes. “Sure. I’m not going to make fun of you for being in pain.” He leans into his hands propped up on his legs. “You could even use the Lord’s name in vain and I’d never tell.” He winks at me. I smile lightly.
“Listen… I…” He clears his throat, “I’ll never be able to thank you enough for helping Eden. After the two of you disappeared…” He looks at the floor and rubs his hands together. “I thought you may have attacked her. I feel shitty for thinking that, but...”
I cut him off, “I’ve already attacked someone else.” How can I blame him for his reaction? It’s the logical one to have. “Can you tell me what happened to Keir? None of the nurses or doctors can tell me anything.” I’ve prayed over it. Asked God to spare one of the few people I’ve met this summer who has been a friend. He’s shown interest in who I am as a person, never asking for anything in return.
“He’s unconscious. He has been since I found him in Eden’s room. The doctors have taken scans of his head. They said something about swelling and a brain bleed. I didn’t understand some of it. Dr. Vargas has been keeping up to date with the doctors treating him.” Blaine gets up and paces near the window. “He might be the only link we have to what happened in that room. Matt told me you don’t remember, Eden doesn’t…” His voice drifts off.
“I can remember Keir and I going to Eden’s room. We were going to ask her to meet us at the café for dinner later, but then all of you were there. It get’s… unclear after that.” Blaine focuses on something he sees outside the window. I wonder if it's because he doesn’t want me to see him upset. He still doesn’t trust me completely.
He turns back towards me, and I take a better look at him. His eyes are bloodshot, and he has dark circles under them. His hair is messy, he nicked his chin while shaving, and his clothes are rumpled. It wasn’t long ago, that I looked as rough, when I was going through what may have been a detox. I make a mental note to pray for him. Losing Eden, being ejected from the graduate study, and the discovery of Keir injured all appear to be taking a toll on him.
“Are you okay?” I ask him softly. Squirming to ease the nagging pain traveling down my side from my injuries, I try to keep my face from showing my concern. Blaine, much like my uncle the Prophet, doesn’t like to think anyone is pitying him or showing concern towards him. Instead of gratitude their response is anger.
Surprisingly, Blaine takes a seat at the chair closest to the window and puts his face in his hands. His body heaves with silent sobs. When he looks back up at me, his face is streaked with tears and his voice is watery, “Fuck. I’m not okay. Not even a little bit.” He winces. “Sorry… about swearing.”
I don’t correct his language. Now’s not the time to discuss how it makes him sound. He’s hurting and I only want to help. “You can talk to me.”
“Appreciate that, but…” he shakes his head like he’s trying to shake off his feelings. “This is something I need to deal with by myself.”
I’m not going to convince him to open up. Keir told me that they go on runs and he’d hope Blaine would talk to him, but he never really does. Many things are different than I thought they’d be. People like Blaine who are trained to help people, aren’t without problems. It seems dumb that I ever thought that was the case. The world isn’t the place I built it up to be in my head. Black and white. Right and wrong. There is a lot of gray.
“I’ve been calling Eden’s room phone.” Changing subjects seems like the only way out of this topic. “She hates the fact that the hospital is keeping her here.” Blaine smirks at that. I try to smile but stop when I realize I don’t feel happy about the fact she’s feeling trapped.
“That’s my Ed. She’s a fierce little ball of anxiety.” Blaine wipes at his eyes. “She’s also not returning to Horizon Wellness Center. Over my dead body is she going back to that place.” He’s back up and pacing like I’m going to argue with him. I’m not. Something’s not right about either the Center, staff, or one of the residents. I don’t have much world experience and even I can admit that.
“That’s good.”
Blaine stops near my bed and looks at my shoulder. He tilts his head to the side. “I thought you’d be upset about her leaving.”
“No. I care about her, too.” I don’t know what he’ll do with my admission, but I don’t expect him to just overlook it like he does.
