“Iwassure,” I mutter. “Now I’m not. Now I’m spiraling. Now I’m questioning every single time I’ve ever been attracted to anyone. What if this whole thing has always been chemical and I just didn’t know it?”
Orin snorts. “Lyn, all attraction is chemical. That doesn’t make it less real.”
I glance over at him. “You’re beingwaytoo emotionally competent for a guy who once tried to start a threesome in a public bathroom.”
“That was culturally sanctioned,” he says. “It was during Lumentide. I was showing respect for Merati culture.”
We both laugh, and it feels good. Light. Needed.
I curl onto my side, facing him. “I don’t know what’s going to happen.”
“You don’t have to,” he says. “Just…don’t lie to yourself about what you want.”
I nod slowly.
Then: “Do you want to sleep here?”
“I thought I already was.”
“Not like that,” I clarify. “Like actually sleep. No trying anything.”
He smirks. “I don’t make moves on emotionally vulnerable scientists. I have standards.”
I roll my eyes. “You have kinks.”
“Thosearemy standards.”
We laugh again. He reaches out and tugs the blanket higher over both of us, then flops back and closes his eyes like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
And even though I’m glad he’s here, even though I’m grateful for his friendship and his jokes and his stupid, instinctive wisdom…this isn’t what I want.
I want Kaelion Rhyss.
I want himhere.
And I have no idea when that’s going to stop.
CHAPTER 15
KAELION
Since Shahar and I separated—sinceshe moved to the Arborium for work, taking Solvi with her—Solvi has attended summer camp here in Mythara. She has friends that she reconnects with, and she always tells me that I don’t have to stick around and entertain her because I’m boring anyway.
Which, of course, makes me feel like a wonderful father.
Usually, I appreciate the opportunity to return to my lab and work. Most students leave for the season, to return to their home planets or socialize with friends. Any other summer, I would take that time and organize things, tidy up, clean out work stations that are no longer be used…but today, I know that Lyn already scanned in this morning.
She’s there. Waiting.
And I am…
I don’t know what I am.
…except late.
I’m late, because I’ve spent the last twenty minutes talking myself out of going at all. Standing in the middle of my kitchen like a malfunctioning android, as if that would prevent the inevitable. As if avoiding her would reset the sequence, and Icould return to being the man I was before I found Lyn Walker having an orgasm on the floor of my lab.
When I had principles.
