“God, so intense.” Hunter stood. “Forget I said anything. I just remembered how you made every date about stargazing and talking about trauma.” He snatched up his glass and stalked off.
Conrad slumped.Exhausting!He turned and stared at a coffee stain on the blue countertop. It was ameba-shaped and dark, a blot on an otherwise perfect surface.Why do I draw these creeps? I don’t get it. I made plenty of friends in college, but the instant I try to date, it all goes to shit.
Although Conrad wanted to dismiss Hunter as a jackass, his mind cycled through the conversation, torturing him with the questions he wanted to avoid:Is there anything to what Hunter said? What is up with me? Do I really bring up what Mom did on every date?The way he remembered it, he barely talked about himself, and Hunter practically threatened to break up with him unless he shared something personal, only for the creep to make fun of him the instant he did.
Conrad’s mother had left the family five years earlier and vanished, abandoning his father and him. Since then, he’d kept mostly to himself. It had been his dad and him against the world,two guys trying to heal—each in his own way—from the wounds of having someone so central to their lives simply climb into her car and drive away without a word.
Should I relax and have more fun? Go out more? Or is it fine to wait for someone who’s more committed? When people saytake a risk, it’s not always a clear-cut situation.He slipped his hand into his jeans pocket and wrapped it around his cellphone.
The door opened, admitting a blond guy in jeans and a red- and black-striped shirt. The man’s long, straight nose and full lips made Conrad do a double-take. To his shock, it was his old best friend from high school, Jude Laursen.
What’s he doing here?“Hey, Jude!” Conrad let go of his cellphone and waved to get Jude’s attention.
Jude glanced around. His gaze snapped to Conrad’s hand, then his face. “Con!” His face lit up with shocked recognition. He sprinted over and plopped on the stool Hunter had vacated. “What’re you doing here?” He grabbed Conrad’s hand and wrung it in a firm handshake.
“Getting enough caffeine to stay conscious and do my homework.” Given Conrad was a fifth-year senior, he assumed Jude had graduated the spring before. He didn’t know, though, since they had lost track of each other. Jude had gone to the University of Colorado Boulder and all but vanished from the Chicago area.
However, sitting by Conrad now, Jude didn’t look terribly different than he had before, just five years older. He had longish hair, blue eyes, and an overall Scandinavian appearance: tall, lean, attractive.
Conrad internally sighed.Here’s the guy I hung out with every day from seventh grade to twelfth grade, and now I barely know him.“What about you? Why’re you in town?”
“My mom finally divorced my dad, so I moved back.”Jude smiled, but he seemed serious. “I considered staying in Boulder, but I missed Chicago too much.”
A young, red-haired guy wearing the diner uniform stepped up behind the counter. “What can I get for you?”
“Me?” Jude asked, pointing to himself. “Black coffee and a bagel sandwich. Ham and cheese. Thanks.”
The server wrote it down on a pad, repeated it back, and ran off.
Jude refocused on Conrad. “I never meant to lose touch, you know.”
“College is college.” Conrad waved one hand through the air in dismissal. “Everyone gets busy, gets loaded down with classes and a job, and then loses touch. Besides, you got a great scholarship.”
The server with pink hair swept up with Conrad’s espresso and muffin, setting them down with a solidclinkof glass before shooting off again.
“But, hey, if you’re back in Chicago…” Conrad let his sentence trail off. He picked up the espresso and took a careful sip.God, you would have made the perfect boyfriend.He peered at Jude’s left ring finger.No ring. Surely if he’d gotten married, I would have known, though.His dad and Jude’s mom had stayed friends and still talked once a month.
“Yeah!” Jude laughed and sat up straighter.
The red-haired server returned with his black coffee.
“Thanks, man.” Jude turned back to Conrad. “I just moved. I’ve got an apartment in Highland Park. How about you? You talked about homework. Still going to the University of Chicago?”
“Two weeks to go,” Conrad said. “I’ve been doing interviews all over Chicago, but I haven’t heard back yet. Right now, I’m working at a music store in Highland Park, and Dad and I still live in Evanston. I’m gonna move out after I graduate.”He took a second sip of espresso and wondered if he needed the caffeine now. His heart was racing.Jude’s moved to Highland Park. He’s here to stay, I hope.“So did you bring a girlfriend back with you? Is there a future Mrs. Laursen with you?”Smooth, Jameson, smooth. That sounds real natural—if you’re sixty years old, maybe.
Jude laughed and waved his hands, leaning back on the stool. “No way! Shit, man, this brings back memories. The way we used to talk about girls, wondering when it would happen for us and how we were supposed to act. How to get a girl to even kiss us. You used to make these lists, you remember that? You still dating Jenny Perry, or did you find another genius-level music student to go out with?”
Conrad uttered an embarrassed, “Ah!” and shook his head. “No, man. She’s gone off to New York City to start her career. We ended up good friends, but that’s all.” He made his decision.Time to catch him up on the real me.“Actually, I’m gay.” All his wondering in high school had not manifested in any discussions with friends, just long talks with his therapist.
“Oh, thank God you just came out and said it so we can stop doing this.” Jude knocked back half of his black coffee and set it down again. “I was gonna keep going if you were, but that was torture.” He gave Conrad a half-smile. “Yeah, Jameson, we’re both gay. I think we both knew that, or at least worried about it, when we were sixteen and talking to each other about that idiot in class who claimed he’d kissed a hundred girls on New Year’s.”
A wave of deep relief deflated Conrad until he relaxed on his stool. He groaned at the reminder of the class clown and then flushed painfully, the heat burning his ears. “I know I was worried. I didn’t know you were worried, too.” He searched Jude’s handsome, familiar face.Can we be close again?“I wish I could say I have one of those fantastic stories. You know thekind: closeted gay guy comes out to his new college friends, everyone cheers him on and defends him against bigots, and then he finds the love of his life in some shy guy in the corner. But no.” He picked up his muffin and took a small bite. His anxiety flared, and it tasted like dirt, all the nutty goodness and sugar buried under his panic. “I mean, I did the first part. It’s the second part I’m having trouble with,” he said after he swallowed. “What about you?” A sharp pain fired through him. “You got a boyfriend?”
They paused as the sever returned with a plate holding Jude’s ham and cheese bagel and set it in front of him.
“I dated a few guys in Boulder, but none of them got too serious.” Jude shrugged and took a bite of his sandwich. “Since coming back home, I’ve been out to coffee with a few guys, but none of ‘em really had that spark. You know. It was all wet towels.” He studied Conrad for a moment, concerned and sincere, just like in high school. “I worried something like that would happen to you. Hell, you’ve got a shell a mile thick.”
Conrad flinched.Well, I can’t argue with that now, can I?
