She just needed to get out of this building, get to her car, get away from here before she fell apart completely.
The automatic doors slid open with a soft whoosh, and late-afternoon sunlight hit her face.Warm and gentle and completely at odds with the storm raging inside her chest.
She walked across the parking lot on autopilot and fished her keys from her pocket with shaking hands.The moment she slid into the driver’s seat and closed the door, the careful control she’d been clinging to shattered.The sob came first—raw and broken.Until she was crying so hard she couldn’t breathe.She gripped the steering wheel, knuckles white, her whole body shaking.
She didn’t know how long she sat there, crying until there was nothing left.Until her eyes were swollen.Until her head throbbed with each pulse.Until she felt hollowed out.
Finally, moving on autopilot, she started the car.
She couldn’t stay here.Couldn’t sit in this parking lot where Noah was three floors above her.But she needed time to clear her head.Then again, the four-and-a-half-hour car trip back to the North Rim Campground would give her that.
She pulled out onto the highway, heading back toward the canyon, toward her office that needed to be emptied.Boxes to pack.A life to dismantle.
Four hours down the road, her phone rang through the car speakers and her mother’s name flashed on the dashboard screen.
Of course it was her mom.Somehow her mother always knew.
Meg pressed Accept, routing it through her car speakers.“Hi, Mom.”
“Sweetheart.”Her mother’s voice was soft, concerned.“What’s wrong?”
“I’m fine.”The lie came automatically, but her voice cracked on the words.
“Margaret Elizabeth.”Gentle steel filled her mother’s tone now.The voice that had gotten Meg through scraped knees and broken hearts and medical-school burnout.
“Don’t you dare tell me you’re fine when I can hear you’re not.What happened?”
And somehow, hearing her mother say her full name—the same way she had when Meg was little and trying to hide her mother’s broken teapot behind the couch—broke something loose inside her.
“I took the Pennsylvania job.”The words tumbled out.“I’m leaving the canyon.I’m leaving Noah.”
Her mother was quiet for a moment.“Oh, honey.”
Two words.But they carried everything.
“This job is a good opportunity.A solid career move.”Why did it sound like she was trying to convince herself?
“I had to, Mom.I can’t?—”
“What are you really afraid of?”Her mother’s voice had dropped into that soothing tone.The one that had coaxed confessions and fears from Meg since childhood.
“I’m not afraid of anything.I just can’t do this anymore.I can’t wait for the person I love to die because of my failures.I’m just…I’m not a good enough doctor.”
Her mom was quiet a long time before a deep sigh came through the line.“Meg, your father’s death was?—”
“We aren’t talking about Dad.”The words came out sharp.
“Yes, we are.”Her mother’s voice was firm now.The voice that had raised four kids and buried a husband and kept going.“I have let you push me off for too long.Your father’s death wasn’t your fault.”
Meg’s hands tightened on the steering wheel until her knuckles went white.“Mom, please?—”
“You refused to have this conversation, and I was grieving too much to fight it, but that ends now.”Her mother took a breath.“You didn’t kill your father, Meg.It wasn’t your fault.I know you have heard it, but it’s time you believe it.”
“But I should have been able to save him.”The words tore out of her, all the guilt and shame she’d been carrying for years spilling over.“If I hadn’t stood there in shock, if I had started CPR sooner?—”
“No.”Her mother paused a beat.“There was nothing you could have done.The doctors at the hospital told us that.Even if you’d started CPR the second he collapsed, even if you’d had a full code team standing right there—it wouldn’t have mattered.”
“You don’t know that.”Meg’s vision blurred, and she blinked hard.
