A flash of uncertainty flicks through his dark eyes before he inhales deeply.
“I don’t know if I want you to go back. You clearly feel safe here and I fucking like you here.”
I raise an eyebrow as the light from the TV dances across his handsome face.
“I can’t stay here forever, Chaos.”
He gives a small head shake in response.
“Nah, but you can stay for as long as you need if you want to.”
My eyes soften as I search his eyes, my heart filling with warmth that spreads across my chest. Chaos is such a big softy when he wants to be, and he is right; I do feel extremely safe here and wanted. Growing up without a family to call my own was a constant struggle and from the young age of four until I was fifteen, I was moved from one unfamiliar home to another, never finding a place where I truly belonged. Loneliness became my best friend, and I carried the weight of feeling unwanted, depressed, and lost almost daily. The only source of comfort Ifound was either from my stalkers or my Nana, but now, I realize that the emptiness in my heart has finally found peace because of Chaos and Reign.
Although I am still uncertain about where this three-way relationship is going, they have somehow filled a void I never thought was possible to mend. When I am around them I feel a sense of acceptance, wanted, valued, and safe and I couldn’t be more grateful that they came into my life, but, deep down, I know that our time together won’t last forever.
Eventually, they'll move on with their lives, marry and start a family, leaving me behind. So, for the time being, I'm making the most of my time with them. I am feeling more confident every second I am around them and I am starting to find my backbone, but I am also conscious that I am not yet strong enough to stand on my own.
When Chaos speaks to me in this way, I'm not sure if he's telling me he wants more between us or if he's simply being nice. My anxiety gnaws away at me, and I find it difficult to ask people to explain themselves because I am not strong enough, and I don't want to be that needy girl. I simply try to let things be whatever they are so that I don't become hurt or attached to them and when I find myself alone in this world again, it won't affect me as much, I hope.
“Chaos, whatever happens between us, I just want you to know that I am thankful for you and that I’ve enjoyed every minute of our time together.”
He looks at me confusedly from my sudden words as I pull them from somewhere deep within me with confidence, and I continue.
“You told me that day at your studio that you wanted to push me out of my comfort zone and that I unknowingly live in darkness, although I’m afraid of it—”
His brows rise at the thought that I still remember him saying that, but he gives a small nod.
“Well, you succeeded and although I still fear a lot of things, when I am around you, all of that doesn’t matter and the darkness I’ve felt over the years seems to disappear into thin air.”
I bring my hand to his cheek as I carry on with seriousness.
“Although you are Chaos to the outside world, in mine, you are the calm that I have needed. So, thank you for bringing me peace in my turbulent storms.”
His eyes ease and his gaze drops to my lips.
“Although I am Chaos, you are my calm as well Lil Chaos.”
When he stares into my eyes again, we both smile wildly, and he holds his arm out.
“Come the fuck here.”
I shuffle closer to him, and he wraps it around the back of my neck, drawing me close, while his other hand lifts my leg and forces it to drape over his waist. I tuck my head beneath his chin, and he runs his warm palm down the back of my bare thigh causing shivers to scatter over the surface of my skin. As he speaks, his deep voice vibrates against my cheek.
“If I have my way, I won’t ever let you go, beautiful. You’re one of the rare gems in this fucked world and although you believeyou're all gloomy, it’s quite the fucking opposite. I knew it from the moment I set eyes on you by my pool that you were going to make me buckle to my knees for you.”
I smile with my eyes closed, embracing this small moment between us until suddenly the door swings open, and I glance back, with Chaos swiftly propping up on his elbow to see Reign standing in the doorway. He looks between us both, inspecting the situation before he raises his chin to Chaos.
“We need to fucking talk. Now.”
I watch as Reign leaves without saying anything else and my face twists in confusion as Chaos sits up, but before he goes, he leans down and gives me a firm kiss on the lips.
“I’ll be back in a minute.”
I give a small, wordless nod, confused as I watch him leave the room too.
Istill haven’t returned to my dorm for another week, and still nobody has picked up on mine or Lucy’s absence. I had been texting her all week though and she seemed content in Cody’s home, so that made me feel at ease, but she is here with us tonight.
I’ve been spending my time going to classes during the day and Reign will take me, but in the evenings, I will either spend time with either him or Chaos, depending on who is here and if it’s neither of them, I will just chill on my own.
