“Kill him before he kills you.”
“No, he isn’t like them.”
“No, he’s worse. Fucking kill him and get out of this place.”
“Kill him!”
I shake my head frantically, “No!” I yell.
“Kill him!”
The whisper continues over and over again, repeating the same two words, growing louder in my ears and it drives me insane until I let out a high-pitched scream, jumping to my feet. In my crazed state, I grab my hoodie and head for the door. I swing it open until it hits the wall and I storm out of the trailer.
As I pace quickly over the gravel, I throw my hoodie on, my wide gaze fixed on the circus ahead, glowing from on the inside. When I enter the back entrance, I wipe the tears off of my face and head for Madame’s chamber, hoping she will be there.
When I enter, luckily I spot her sitting behind her desk, a glass of wine in her hand as she smokes a cigarette with her head tilted back. I stop in the middle of the room, and she slowly lifts her head, her eyes meeting mine.
“Noir,” she says with a soft smile before gesturing to the seat opposite her. “Take a seat.”
As always, somehow, I feel strangely calm in Madame’s presence and I shuffle forward, tugging my sleeves further down my arms. She sits upright, placing her glass on the desk, and I sit in the chair.
“What can I help you with, darling?” she says in a motherly tone that almost makes me burst into tears.
I lower my head, trying to push the thoughts away, and I fiddle with my fingers.
“Have you been crying, Noir? It's not Hell, is it?”
I shake my head, “No,” I say and when I lift my watery eyes to hers, she scans them with genuine concern. “I'm just having a rough night. It's a lot to take in, you know? After Dark Night.”
She gives a small nod of understanding. “I get it, but you'll get used to it.”
She gradually stands, walking around the desk with purposeful steps before stopping in front of me and leaning against it.
“Eli gave me the keys to your trailer today,” she says, and my brows pinch in confusion. “He didn't tell you he was leaving?” she asks.
I shake my head once before wiping my nose with my sleeve. “No, he didn't.”
My heart aches in my chest, and I don't know why. My emotions are all over the place right now, reminding me why I came here in the first place.
“Do you guys have access to a doctor?”
She tilts her head to the side with perplexity before nodding. “What do you need?”
“Anti-depressants,” I answer, my voice unwavering.
Her eyes scan the length of me, not in a judgmental way, but she gives another nod when her gaze returns to mine. “Of course, I'll have him drop some off.”
I feel my shoulders relax for the first time today as I lower my eyes.
“Most people here don't try to tame their mental state of minds, Noir. We simply embrace the madness,” she admits almost proudly, and my eyes flick up to hers.
“The difference between me and everyone else here, Madame, is that you're better off having me in my sane madness than in my insane madness, trust me. It’s not very fun hallucinating and seeing your sister running around the carnival when she isn’t actually here,” I confess firmly.
She analyzes me briefly before drawing a deep breath and pushing away from the desk. I can't exactly tell her that the voices in my head are also telling me to kill Hell. I don't trust anyone here enough to let them see my vulnerabilities in that light.
“Where are you from, Noir?” She enquires as she takes a slow seat in her chair.
I feel anxiety tighten my chest, and I lie, “Erm, Vegas.”
