He begins to walk away, and I become irritated. “How many times do I need to show you that I am not some innocent little dolly, Hell.” I grit out.
He stops, his tattooed hand on the door handle and I continue, “The shit you’ve seen me do. How I’ve handled you, Oddity, and everything else this whole fucking time and you think what? That I am going to crumble to the sight of my abuser?”
He lowers he head, “It’s not that, pretty girl.”
“Then what the fuck is it?”
He finally turns to face me, “This could go wrong in so many fucking ways and I don’t want a single hair on your head hurt.”
I stand straighter, “And I am ready for anything. Please just trust me.”
I can see the reluctance on his face, he is worried about losing me, but I need this. I need to fucking end this with him.
“For me, just put how you feel aside and look at it from my point of view, wouldn’t you want to see your abuser die?”
He just stares at me in a way that I’ve never seen before, and I am confused by it. “Wait…” I step forward and he looks away, “Just don’t, Noir.” His eyes flash to mine as he shakes his head once.
I suck in a sharp breath, reality hitting me. “Why didn’t you tell me.”
“Because it’s fucking irrelevant.”
“Irrelevant?” I pull my head back with confusion. “Do you think what I went through is irrelevant then?”
“Of course not!” he snaps back sharply.
I stay silent just staring at him through wide eyes, hardly believing this.
“It was totally different circumstances; we all went through it and I’m over it.”
He walks toward me and when he stops, I have to tilt my head back to look up at his tall frame.
“I’m not saying it’s not fucking wrong, Dolly. I am not saying that what you went through doesn’t matter either,” he grips my chin, lowering his lips to mine. “I dealt with it differently, I let my anger out over the years. One day, you will hopefully get there too.”
I scan his features, “Did you ever kill them?” I whisper.
He shakes his head once, “I don’t know who the fuck they were, no one does. It was years ago when I was young. It’s happened to most of us in this system.”
My face scrunches up, “What?”
“Noir, leave it.”
“Leave it?” I repeat, searching his eyes.
He stands upright, releasing my chin. “This is reality, pretty girl. You should understand that.”
“It doesn’t make it fucking right!” I yell, my voice trembling.
He lowers himself to my eye level. “I know,” he asserts firmly.
I take a deep breath, trying to steady myself, feeling his gaze pierce through me as he assesses my reaction.
“You’re right,” he continues. “I would want revenge, but I don’t have that fucking option. I never have.”
He nods toward the door. “Stay in the back of the truck at all times.”
My eyes soften, the anger slowly ebbing away. “Thank you.”
He leans in, pressing a firm, reassuring kiss to my lips before turning and walking out the door. I stand there, staring blanklyfor a second, the weight of his confession baring down on me, then I follow behind him.
