“Your Honor, in that moment, I was angry, hurt, and maybe even a little lost.I didn’t know who I turned into that day, and in that confusion, I snapped.”I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I’ve spent the last ten yearslearning how to avoid that version of me. I’ve faced the parts of myself I used to run from. I’ve learned how to sit in silence without letting my thoughts drown me, and I’ve started to rebuild something that looks like peace. That’s what the last ten years have been about.”
I glanced back at Dr. Loomis briefly before continuing.
“I didn’t come here to beg for freedom or even forgiveness; I came here to take responsibility, and not just for the past, but for the future I want to have. I know what I’m up against. I know some people will only ever see me as the girl whosnapped.But I’ve done the workandthe time. Again, I’m not asking you to forget what I did; I’m just asking you to believe that I’m ready to be better than who I was. I just want an opportunity to prove that I am not defined by that one mistake."
The judge’s eyes sharpened. “One mistake?” she repeated, her tone turning colder. “Miss Thibodeaux, that ‘mistake’ cost two people their lives. Two families had to bury their children. Two sets of parents will never get to walk their babies down the aisle, never hold their grandchildren, never get another phone call, birthday, or hug. You may see it as one isolated event, but to the people who loved Jace Boyd and Taji Lawson, it was a lifetime of moments stolen. So, you don’t get to stand in here and minimize it, even unintentionally.”
I sniffled, dragging the back of my hand across my cheek even though no real tears had fallen.
“No ma’am! In no way did I mean that in a disregarding way!” I clarified softly, letting my voice crack just enough to sell it. “I really am sorry! If their families were here today, I’d look them in the eye and say that. All I want now is a chance to be more than the worst thing I’ve ever done. I understand I can’t change what’s happened; it’s a shadow I carry every day, but I can spend the rest of my life trying to make sure I never hurt anyone else again.”
I folded my hands in my lap, glancing down like I was overwhelmed, when in truth, my thoughts were already outside that courtroom, counting how many bus stops away I was from freedom.
“One last question. What happens if you feel yourself ‘snapping’ again, Miss Thibodeaux?” she challenged me.
I met her eyes, steady and resolute. “I’ll walk away before I do something I regret.”
The judge eyed me with a mix of skepticism and scrutiny, as if searching my face for cracks.
A taut silence enveloped the courtroom for a beat, heavy and charged.
“Your release is granted… effective immediately,” she declared, her voice sharp and final as she slammed the stampdown onto the file. “For the next six months, you will report to Dr. Loomis’s office for psychiatric evaluations once a week. Group therapy is mandatory. You’ll attend twice a month…noexception. All prescribed medication will be trackeddiligently.Refills will be automatic for the time being but depending on your progress over these next six months, I may reassess that.”
Her eyes narrowed, piercing past my beige suit as if she were searching my very soul.
“Miss Thibodeaux, let me leave you with this. You have spent a decade behind those walls… ten years this court cannot reclaim. So, I’d advise you to take this freedomveryseriously, and ensure the rest of your life carries purpose, because the state doesn’t forgive repeat stories… and neither do I. So, consider this yourfinalpass. If you fail to comply with the parameters I’ve set forth—if you so much as skip a pill, miss a session, come before me again foranythingor evenlooklike trouble—there won’t be any more hearings or halfway hope. You’ll be remanded, medicated, and committed faster than you can pack a bag. And next time I’ll make sure the doors close behind you for good. Are we clear?”
My breath hitched.
The judge’s words reverberated in my mind, but they weren’t alone. Insidious whispers crept through my thoughts.
She’s lying.
You’ll never make it out there.
We’ll help you kill her when you get out, then you won’t have to worry anymore.
The voices tangled together, hissing over one another until my pulse roared in my ears.
My hands trembled on the table, nerves threatening to unravel my composure.
“No!” The word burst out before I could stop it.
The courtroom froze, a collective intake of breath filling the air.
The judge’s brows lifted in surprise, while Dr. Loomis shot me a wary glance.
Realizing what I’d done, I recovered fast, shaking my head. “No! I mean… no worries, Your Honor! I completely understand!”
The judge studied me for a prolonged moment, her expression inscrutable.
I forced a tight smile, even as the voices whispered again.
They were softer that time, almost sweet.
Good save.
She doesn’t believe you.
