Mom smirks. “Very nice.”
She yawns and looks at the clock. “I need to get back on a normal schedule, but I also need a nap. Feel free to watch a zombie movie without me.”
She stands and throws a blanket my way. “Or any kind of movie or show.”
I tuck the blanket around me, remembering the schedule on the fridge.
“They changed your schedule again?” I ask with a frown. It can’t be a coincidence that they keep messing with her schedule.
“Yup. Days. They want to keep both of us guessing. It’s been crazy.” Her gaze settles on Luke and her brows furrow.
“Even though I’m home tonight, I meant what I said, Luke. You’re welcome to stay in the guest room.” Her dark eyes flick to mine and I wonder how much she knows about what’s going on between me and the guys. “I’m not saying it to be nice or trying to right a wrong I wish I could have prevented. I honestly think you deserve to sleep without fear.”
His hand squeezes mine and he nods at my mom. “Thank you.”
She disappears upstairs and I wait until the door shuts.
“She’s right.” I blow out a breath.
“Would she feel that way if she knew everything I’ve done to you?” His words are soft.
I rise on my knees and straddle his lap so we’re face to face. “Where we started and where we are now are miles apart from each other.”
His eyes narrow on mine. “I beat you with a belt last night, Harper.”
“You didn’t beat me, Luke. You punished me. I could have said my safe word if I wanted you to stop. All the things you’ve done. None of it matters. All the punishments are part of who we are. It’s what makes us who we are.” I cup his jaw and search his eyes.
“What are we?” That self-loathing still curls in his gut, ready to strike at me, to push me away. But I won’t let it.
“I’m yours and you’re mine.” The words choke me up a little. Of everyone, the one who needs to hearI love youthe most is probably Luke, but he’s also the one who will doubt it. “I need you, Luke.”
He doesn’t physically pull away, but I almost see him withdraw from me emotionally. “You need me because I’ve been an asshole for years. I hurt someone enough they feel vindicated going after someone I?—”
My heart stalls at the word that hovers in the air. Unspoken. The potential. My whole being waits for that word.
“To get back at me.”
The letdown is real, but it’s too soon. He may never get to the point of saying he loves me. He may never really feel that way. But I can’t let that fear hold me back.
“Yes, Luke, you’ve been an asshole. You tormented people who probably deserved it and some who didn’t. That doesn’t justify them coming after me just because you claimed me.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “We’re not who we started out the year as.”
I glance up at the stairwell and where my mom’s room is before focusing on Luke.
“You saved me. Not from whoever is after us.” Smoothing my thumb over his jaw, I try to piece together what I want to say. “I was no one. I let myself become no one. Fuck, I was practically a zombie, walking through life, but not living. You helped me live. You brought me back to life. Sure you were kind of an asshole with how you did it, but?—”
His lips claim mine. There’s a desperation in this kiss, like he’s asking me if this could be more. Fuck. I open for him. My mouth. My heart. My life.
It’s crazy what I feel for him and what I feel for all of them after everything. But it wasn’t a line. I was lost. Desperately lonely. Touch starved. Attention starved.
He rescued me from what would have been another year of being no one. In front of everyone, he drew me into his arms last night and let me stand with him.
I’m not alone anymore. And if he’ll let me, I’ll love him more than anyone else could.
I played with the monster and saw his darkness. I survived it. He may have claimed me, but I claimed him too.
CHAPTER 17
Crossing Lines
