Chapter 7
“You’re kidding me, right?” I say as we approach the building that was formerly known as the Empire State Building but will now be known as my archnemesis.
“Come on, Liza,” he says. “You can totally do this.”
“I’m pretty sure I can’t,” I say, looking up. Oh gosh, his therapy didn’t work. At all. The panicky feeling, my heart picking up its pace, the need to hurl up the food we just ate—it’s all back, and with a vengeance.
“You can,” Jay says, putting his hand on my arm. “Don’t you want to do this for Elena?”
Of course I want to do it for Elena; I just don’t think I can. Marking off something on her stupid list was the reason I came here today. I wrap my arms around my torso, hugging myself tightly, and look up again.
Jay moves in closer to me, his face serious. “You can do this, I promise. I’ll be with you the entire time.”
“I don’t know, Jay.”
“How about this,” he says, his hand hooking under my chin and lifting my face toward his. “We’ll try one more time. If you can’t do it, then we’ll just get on the elevator and come back down. Okay?”
I close my eyes, feeling like I’m starting at square one.
“No,” I say, shaking my head.
“No?” he questions.
“If we’re going up there, I’m looking over,” I say, and then take a deep breath. I can do this. I am strong. I did a lot of things I wouldn’t normally do today, and now I want to be able to actually mark something off Elena’s list.
Jay’s smile reaches the sky again. He grabs my hand and, without a word, pulls me inside the building.
The lines and the ticket purchasing and elevator rides are like a blurred out-of-body experience. When the second elevator reaches the 102nd floor and the attendant opens the door, I slam right back into my body again and feel the ever-present terror of what’s ahead of me. My feet once again plant themselves on the floor just outside the elevator.
I can’t move. I’m totally going to fail Elena—and myself—again.
“Close your eyes,” Jay says, taking my hand in his.
“No way,” I protest.
“Just do it—I’ll guide you.”
I struggle internally for a few seconds, but then I close my eyes, and after a bit, my stance slackens, and I let Jay guide me.
“Okay, you can open your eyes,” he says.
I slowly open my eyes and look. My heart flutters in my chest, and my breathing picks up.
“Tell me what you see,” Jay says as he moves behind me, putting his hands on my hips like he did before, steadying me.
“I see—” I start, then swallow hard. I see that we’re a long way up. But I know that’s not what he’s asking. “Um, I see lights. Lots of lights.” I focus on all the lights twinkling around the city like a million tiny stars.
“Good,” he says, moving in closer. My body automatically leans back against him, and my hormones do a cheer. But it feels good to lean against Jay. He’s been kind of like an anchor since I met him.
“What else do you see?” he asks.
“I see ... everything,” I say.
“Everything?”
“I mean, it feels like I can see the entire world from here,” I say.
“Liza,” Jay says in my ear. “You did it.”
