1
CARSON
I went from being one of the old married men on the team to hanging around with the young single guys.
I stand at a high-top table at the Village Castle, the air in the dance club tinted red from all the lights, the black ceiling glowing with electric blue “clouds” and tiny white “stars”, the dance floor packed while the DJ spins tunes. I’m with teammates Mack (Macklin Murray), Trev (Trevin Watts), and Crusher (Nash Wilson). Hockey players love their nicknames. Dilly (Dillon Landry) is off somewhere flirting with some women.
I was married for five years, but now I’m separated. Single and ready to mingle.
But…amI ready to mingle? I should be, dammit. It’s been almost a year since my wife and I split up. It’s time.
I hate it here.
It’s so loud in here, it’s hard to talk, and I’m not sure if I’m hearing right, but I think the other guys are talking about shrinking penises.
Fuck me.
I rub my forehead. “Whose penis is shrinking?” I ask against my better judgment.
They all give me offended looks.
“Nobody’s,” Mack says. “We were just discussing the possibility.”
“It can’t happen,” Crusher says.
“Hey, you would know, Alfie, if it happens with age,” Trev says to me with an inquiring look. Alfie being my nickname because of my last name, Alfredson.
“Asshole,” I mutter.
He laughs.
I’m thirty-one. Not old by any means. Except in the hockey world. Compared to these youngsters, I’m old, but dammit, I’m in my prime. They have a lot to learn.
“First of all,” I say, “size doesn’t matter.”
They all snort. I think. The music’s loud.
“Seriously,” I say. “It’s what you do with it that matters.”
“My grandpa used to say, ‘It’s not the size of the ship. It’s whether or not the captain stays in port long enough for all the passengers to get off.’” Mack smirks.
I grin. “Good one.”
“I tried to measure my dick once,” Crusher says. “But the ruler only went to twelve inches.”
They all crack up into laughter.
“It’s not the size of the baloney,” Trev says. “It’s the motion of the Zamboni.”
Mack lifts a hand to him and they high-five.
“Your dick doesn’t shrink,” I tell them. “But you can lose some, uh, girth as you age?”
“Are you speaking from experience?” Crusher asks.
I sigh. “No. But I’ve heard this. Age can cause a decline in testosterone production, and things like smoking damage the blood vessels and disrupt the flow of blood.”
“None of us smoke.” Mack shakes his head.
