“It’s very…”
“Huge.”
“Realistic.”
She grins. “I like it.”
I tilt my head. “He kind of looks like Carson.”
“Oh you bitch, rub it in that your husband is a hot hockey player.”
I laugh.
“This probably costs more than the pomegranate.”
“Eight hundred fifty.”
“Damn. Okay, just let me look a little longer.” She sighs. “Okay. Back to my question.”
“What question?”
“Do you want to get back with Carson?”
“Oh. Right. The thing is… I’ve been feeling kind of lost for a while now.”
She tears her gaze away from the bronze peen and faces me. “Lost?”
“Like… I don’t have any direction for my life. Am I going to work at Uncle Ernie’s forever while I look after aging relatives?”
“You like looking after aging relatives.” She pauses. “Don’t you?”
“You know I love family. But… is that all I’m good for? I feel like I’m stuck and it’s going to be like this for the rest of my life. And if Carson and I get back together… that won’t really solve that problem.”
“You could have another baby.” Her tone is gentle.
“We could. But… maybe I need to figure out who I am and what I want before we do that. We could get back together andI could be his good little housewife who takes care of everything while he’s on the road and help look after the family. But… what if that’s not what I want?”
It’s scary saying that out loud. I’ve been thinking about it since Carson and I talked.
“I have no purpose,” I add. “Like I said, I love family. But… it’s a let-down when I do so much and nobody ever says anything.”
“Like the party.”
“Yeah.” One corner of my mouth hooks up. “Nonna was the only one who thanked me or even acknowledged all the work I did. And you. And Carson. It feels like nothing I do matters.”
Rachel regards me with a troubled expression.
“I’m practically running Uncle Ernie’s now. That wasn’t my life goal. And Grandpa doesn’t even acknowledge that.”
“He’s paying you, right?” Her tone rises with outrage.
“Yes. That doesn’t matter. I’m okay for money.”
“Thanks to Carson’s generosity.”
“True. Which is also kind of… depressing.”
Rachel takes my arm. “Let’s go look at the antique furniture. I want new end tables for the living room.”
