“Ayla. You’re beautiful. Inside and out. There’s nothing to work on.”
“Yeah, there is. There always is. But I’m figuring it out. I can’t keep doing things for people and then getting frustrated when they don’t acknowledge it. I can’t keep taking things on and then complain that it’s too much. I can’t depend on other people tofeel validated. That has to come from me. I need to work on that.”
“We’ll help each other.”
“Yeah.”
After a quiet moment, he says, “Remember the song we danced to at the birthday party?”
“Um…” I think back. “It was a country song.” I remember being moved by it.
“Yeah. It was called “I’ll Love You Better’.”
“Riiiight.” I gaze into his eyes. “I noticed the words. The story. And I… wanted you to say those things to me. That you missed me and loved me.”
“And that I’ll love you better. I want to love you better.” He lifts my hand to his mouth and kisses it. “Iwilllove you better.”
My throat aches. “Me, too. Remember what Nonna said: sometimes, we get a chance to do something right the second time that we didn’t get right the first time.”
“Yeah.” He presses his lips to my hand again.
“We’re not the same people we were. We’re not going back.”
“Nope. This is a new beginning.”
28
CARSON
We’re on our way to look at a house in Montclair. We’ve looked at about fifteen houses so far. The ones we like most are similar to the house we already have. The others have been nice, but all had something that made us rule them out. I don’t want to be on top of our neighbors. We don’t want something that needs a lot of work. We also don’t want something too modern. Or too old-fashioned. Or too big. Or… Well, we have reasons to not like almost everything we look at.
“I got my application in,” Ayla says.
“Yeah? Good.”
The deadline for applying for the fall term at Montclair State is March 1, which is coming fast. The college agreed to transfer Ayla’s credits so she’s already halfway to her degree.
“I have to choose another major,” she tells me. “I’m thinking Gender, Sexuality, and Women’s Studies.”
I grin. “Sounds good.”
“I’m kidding. I have a bunch of psychology credits so that’s what I’ll do. And I love psychology. Although I do think Gender, Sexuality, and Women’s Studies would be interesting.”
We drive in silence for a moment.
“Do you think we’re going to like this place?” Ayla asks.
“It looked nice in the pictures. But I’m getting frustrated. How much time have we spent on this?”
“I know. I’m frustrated, too.” She shifts in her seat to face me. “Maybe… we should just stay where we are?”
I glance at her. “Really?”
“Yeah. I think.”
I flick on the blinker and pull off the road.
“What are you doing?”
