I imagine myself at Nonna’s party. She asks me,Where’s Carson?
And I say,We’re getting a divorce. Happy birthday!
And all my aunts and uncles and cousins will know that I’m a failure as a wife and a mother and well, pretty much anything.
I roll onto my side and press my face into a pillow. He has to do this. But not just for me. For Nonna. For her birthday.
Did he say no because of Emily? Emory? Whatever. Is he serious about her? Ugh.
I call Rachel.
“Help,” I tell her. “I’m spiraling.”
“What? Why?”
“Because of Carson.”
“Ohhhh.”
I told her that night what I’d proposed to him and how he’d said no. As always, she was supportive, calling him a gutless wonder. I don’t think I’d go that far, but I was disappointed. “And Nonna just called and said she wants to see him.”
“Oh shit.”
“Yeah. I’m so mad at him! He’s going to disappoint my poor old Nonna.”
“Ugh. I thought he might actually do it.”
“You know what?” I say. “I need to never see him again.”
“That shouldn’t be hard. Isn’t that the idea behind a divorce?”
“Yes, but he still helps with the house and I know he and Dad went to a baseball game and out for beers.”
“Hmmm.”
“I have to sell the house.”
“What?”
I expel a sigh toward the ceiling of my bedroom. “It’s too big for me anyway. And too far away.”
“Too far away from…?”
“Everything. You. The restaurant. I’m all by myself in this mansion. It’s ridiculous. I need a little apartment like you.”
“Oh. Well. You make some good points.”
“Right? And then I’ll have no need to ever see Carson again. And he can date whoever he wants and ignore the fact that he broke Nonna’s heart by divorcing me.”
“Are you okay?”
“I learned how to box today.”
Silence. “Box? As in… punching?”
“Yes. It felt great. Too bad I won’t be able to move my arms tomorrow. But I’ll get over it.”
“Wow.”
