Mom pauses. “What?”
“Carson is coming.”
Mom’s mouth drops open and her eyes fly open wide. “What? Really?” Then she beams. “Does this mean…”
“No!” I take a breath. “Nonna doesn’t know we’re separated.”
Mom nods. She knows this. “And most of the family.”
“Right. So he’s going to come so Nonna will think we’re still together.”
Mom narrows her eyes at me.
“I’ll tell her later. After the party.”
Now Mom studies me with a small crease between her eyebrows. “You two still talk?”
“Sometimes. Not often. I’m, uh, selling the house so I needed to touch base with him about it.”
“What! Ayla, what’s going on? You love that house!”
“I know.” I repeat my explanations about why I want to move even though the truth is, I want to be totally free of Carson. After the party. I just have to deal with being around him for a few days and then I’ll never have to see him again.
“It is a big house,” she concedes.
I tell her about the condos I looked at. “They were pretty nice. I could see myself there. I’ll have to downsize a lot.”
“That’s a big job.”
“It is.” It almost overwhelmed me when I realized all that was entailed in moving to a smaller place. But I’m good at gettingthings done. Over the last few days, I’ve been making lists and a plan.
Then it’s Wednesday morning and Carson pulls into the driveway to pick me up and drive us to the Catskills.
“I’ve got everything here,” I tell him, pointing to the boxes and bags on the floor of the foyer.
“Holy shit.”
“We’re going all out.”
“Uh huh. Okay.” He starts carrying things to load them into the back of his Infiniti SUV. I help, but he’s stronger and faster and soon has most of the stuff packed up. I can do this stuff on my own… but this reminds me that it’s nice to have help.
Ugh.
I grab my big tote bag and jump into the passenger seat and we’re off. Carson has the route mapped out on the screen in the car.
Sitting together in the SUV, all toasty warm compared to the outside temperature, close enough to touch, I become aware of Carson and the faint scent of his aftershave, one I recognize and know is expensive because I used to buy it for him. Musk and spice and dark vanilla. I loved to bury my face in the side of his neck, against his warm skin, and breathe in that scent.
Now I’m looking at his hands on the steering wheel. He has big hands. Long, lean fingers. Short, neat nails. He used to pick me up with those hands. Spin me in bed with those hands. Hold my hips while he…
“You okay?”
I blink and glance at Carson. “Yeah. Fine.”
Yikes. What the hell was that? Carson’s an attractive man, so I guess it’s understandable that I’d notice that. It doesn’t mean anything. I definitely don’t still have feelings for the man who wasn’t there for me when I needed it most.
When we get onto Highway 24, small flakes of snow start falling.
“I didn’t check the weather,” I say. “I should have checked the forecast.” I pull my phone out and bring up the weather app. “Oh boy. There’s a storm coming this way.”
