“Right?” He grinned, holding out his arm. “And look, I’ve still got room for you.”
I scooted over, letting him tuck me under his heavy arm. “I’m supposed to be studying.”
“I know.” His arm tightened around me. “I’ll let you go soon. Just give me another minute or two.”
Five years ago, I never would’ve guessed the man I’d met in the New Zealand airport was a family guy—but that was exactly who Ben had turned out to be. Then again, I hadn’t been a family girl back then and had only become one by default.
Still…there was something about having connections. Something I’d been missing my entire life. I’d had my dad and my papa…then just my dad. And even though I’d been loved, I’d always felt a little moorless, like I’d lived on a lonely island in the middle of a busy sea while everyone else floated by on big, bright boats full of people they belonged to.
If this thing with Ben ever ended—if he and Kat sailed off on their family boat together—I knew exactly where I’d be. Back on my island. Standing in the sand. Watching the silhouette of a boat I’d let myself believe could be mine.
That faraway voice inside me was still yelling for me to run—to swim to shore before it was too late. Sometimes the urge hit so hard, it knocked the breath out of me.
Maybe it was the adoptee in me. The part of me that’d learned—long before I had words—people could disappear. One day, I belonged to someone; the next, I didn’t. My dad and papa had given me a soft landing, but even their love hadn’t erased the feeling of being unanchored. A guest in my own life. Someone who shouldn’t get too attached to anything precious because she might have to hand it back.
Losing them both only cemented that belief, confirming the terrible suspicion running in my bones that attachments were temporary. Nothing stayed. Not for me.
Sitting here in Ben’s house, two warm little bodies fused to us and his arm locked around my shoulders, felt dangerously closeto something I’d always wanted. A family. A place where I could finally rest, where I didn’t have to brace for the drift.
And Ben…he never treated me like a visitor. He pulled me in like I already belonged, like he’d written me straight into the blueprints of his life without hesitation.
It terrified me. And…god, I wanted it anyway. Wanted it so much, it ached.
Later, after Jonah and Katty were asleep in their beds, Ben tugged me onto his chest. We were both tired from taking care of two very energetic kids all day, so even though looking at him wearing nothing but briefs made my core heat, I didn’t try to take us there.
Curling up in his arms after a long day was enough.
He traced my lips with his fingertips. “You’ve been frowning all day. I really hate it.”
“I haven’t.”
“You have.”
I lifted my head to scowl at him. “Now I’m frowning.”
He palmed my face and chuckled. “If you think I didn’t notice your expression all day, you must not understand how often I’m looking at you. It’s an always thing. Usually, you’re either very serious, thinking lawyerly things, or smiling at me or our kid. Frowning isn’t you, so try again, baby. Tell me what’s up.”
I heaved a sigh, caught myself and called out. “I have noticed you’re a little obsessed with me.”
“Not a little.” He cupped my jaw. “Did I do something wrong? Are you tired of me? I can try to give you space if you need it. I can’t promise I’ll be good at it, but Iwilltry.”
“No, it’s definitely not you,” I rushed out, kicking myself for making him feel that way, even for a second. “I don’t like space. I like when we’re glued together.”
“Glue?” His eyes lit. “I didn’t know that was a possibility. You’d be all right if I glued you to me?”
“Shut up.” I swatted his shoulder. “There will be no literal glue. If I tried to take you to class with me, I’d be a laughingstock.”
“I wouldn’t want that. The only one allowed to laugh at you is me.”
That made me snicker. “You mean, laugh at my incredible sense of humor?”
“Sure. That’s exactly what I meant.” He winked. “Hey, Mazz, would you rather never tell a funny joke again or everything you say, no matter how serious it is, makes everyone laugh hysterically?”
I twisted my mouth, thinking. “I hate this game.”
“Fine. If you don’t want to answer, tell me about the frown.”
I sighed. “You won’t drop this, will you?”
