She stared at me, not breathing, not moving, not even blinking. “You’re kidding.” Wide, wet eyes bored into mine as she staggered backward. “Tell me you didn’t just say that. Tell me you don’t think you’re going to take my daughter from me.”
Reality caught up to me in one swift hit to the sternum. I couldn’t breathe. I lurched toward her, but she threw up her hands, warning me away.
“Don’t come near me,” she whispered, her voice ragged.
“I didn’t mean it.” I drove the heel of my hand into my eye. “I’m not going to ever do that, Mazzy. I wouldn't do that to either of you. I’m sorry for saying it. I swear I didn’t mean it.”
A soft piece of her hardened before my eyes. “We have a custody agreement for exactly this reason. You can’t take her outof the country without my permission. Whether you mean it or not, it won’t happen.”
“I know that,” I rasped. “I just…I’m scared, okay? I said a fucked-up thing because I’m scared of losing time with her. With you.” My chest caved in a little more. “I don’t want this without my family.”
“I don’t know what to tell you.” She sucked in a shaky breath. “I don’t know what to say right now.”
“Can’t you think about it?” I pleaded.
This wasn’t supposed to be how things went. We were going to talk, get excited about the adventure. Mazzy was going to be happy for me. We were going to spend the night celebrating then lie in bed, holding hands, talking about what was to come. After the last couple weeks…I needed this. After I’d gotten the call from Seth, I finally felt like I could take a full breath.
I didn’t know what to do with this. Mazzy was looking at me like I was a stranger, and the fact that she wasn’t willing to bend, not even a little bit, was killing me.
Killingme.
“You just threatened to take my baby from me,” she whispered, turning away from me. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”
“No. What?” I erased the distance between us in two short strides, dipping so she had to look at me. “You don’t want to do this? What does that mean? Mazzy, I’m not taking Kat from you. I should never have said that. I’d never hurt you—either of you.”
“But you did hurt me. You thought about it and decided to say it.” She clamped down on her bottom lip, biting it way too hard. “I think I need some space.”
“I don’t think you do.” I nudged her chin with my knuckles, tipping her head back. “I have fucked this night up so badly, I don’t know how to get it back. I really thought you’d be happy,and I’m freaking out a little—alot. Saying shit I don’t mean, grasping at straws.”
“That’s exactly why we should take some space—so we don’t hurt each other any more than we already have.” She pressed her palm to my cracking chest. “If you want this, I will do my level best to support you in any way I can. I’m not your enemy. I’ll never be that, no matter what happens between us. We can talk more about this later, but I need to take a step back now.”
I placed my hand over hers. “Let me stay, baby. We can talk aboutanythingelse. Don’t make me go.”
Her eyes hit mine like a truck. “Your mom?”
I heaved a heavy breath. “There’s nothing to say on that topic.”
“That’s what I thought.” She slipped her hand from beneath mine to tuck her hair behind her ear. “I wish you could talk to me. I thought you were coming back to me tonight, but you’re only moving further away.”
“No,” I rasped, my guts spilling out of me. “Remember glue? I’m attached to you. I’m not letting you go. It won’t happen.”
Her sigh was one of the saddest sounds I’d ever heard. “I’m asking for space and time to think.”
She wasn’t backing down. She wasn’t bending. I couldn’t force my presence on her when it was exactly what I wanted to do. Maybe, though, if I gave her what she asked, she’d be able to consider moving to New Zealand with me. That was what I told myself.
“Okay. If that’s what you need.” I scrubbed my jaw hard. “I can’t stay away for long. I need to see Kat—”
“I’m not asking you to stay away from Katty. I’d never do that.”
The way she said it dug under my skin, a reminder I’d been the asshole who’d threatened to move Katty away from her against her wishes just minutes ago.
Defeated, I nodded once, not trusting my voice.
The apartment suddenly felt too quiet. Too unfamiliar.
I walked to the door, my body heavy, movements slow and foreign. My hand hovered on the knob, disbelief I was really about to walk away settling in.
“Mazzy,” I said without turning around.
