“I need you to tell me how to be a dad.”
He reached for me, clamping down on my shoulder. “Ben…you know. Youknow. You’re doing it. Showing up is the single most important thing you can do—and you’redoingit.”
“It doesn’t feel like enough. I feel like I’m floundering, and when we tell Kat I’m her dad, she’s going to know what a failure I am.”
“Do you think I knew what I was doing when Jonah was born?”
“Yeah, but he was a sentient blob the first few months. Katty has spent the last four and a half years with a mom so competent, the kid probably didn’t miss having a dad for a single second. And that’s great. I couldn’t have picked a better mother for her. But unlike newborn Jonah, Katty’s aware. She’s going to know I’m a screwup—”
“Ben,” he barked, cutting off my spiral at the knees, “there is no way in hell you’re going to screw this up. Sure, you’ll make mistakes. You’re human. But that doesn’t constitute a failure. And from what Nate said, Katty already thinks you hung the moon. I truly doubt that little girl is going to be disappointed to find out you’re her father.”
My heart lifted. “Nate said that?”
“Yeah, he did.” He squeezed my shoulder. “He called me a while ago about work, and we talked some about him meeting Katty and Mazzy. He had a lot of good things to say about them both.”
“Makes sense. There’s nothing bad about either of them.”
He chuckled. “You know Nate. He’s not as bad as Ade, but he usually takes a while to come around to people, and he talked about Mazzy like they were old friends. She told him all about how you guys met—how yousavedher.” He paused before adding, “He also mentioned Murphy was all about her and asked for her socials.”
I jerked upright. “Murphy? As in my teammate, Murphy DeSota? What did Mazzy say? Did she give him her info? Was she charmed by that dillweed?”
I’d never thought of Murphy DeSota as a dillweed until that very moment, but it suited him. Sure, he was, in general, a standup guy. My brother-in-arms. Literally, my wingman in the scrum. I regularly trusted him with my physical safety, but hitting on Mazzy, as if she was a regular fan, ripe for the picking, when he knew damn well she was there for me?
Murphy was dead to me.
Roman smirked. “I don’t know the answer. Nate mentioned it offhandedly. He didn’t confirm Mazzy’s reaction to Murphy’s attention.”
“Why was he giving her that kind of attention anyway?”
Roman shrugged, like this wasn’t anything to get up in arms about. “Why shouldn’t he? I’ve seen her pictures. She’s a pretty woman.”
“A beautiful woman,” I corrected. Facts were facts, and Mazzy was a hell of a lot more than pretty. I’d thought so from the second I’d spotted her in the airport, and the ensuing years had only magnified it.
“Of course. She’s a beautiful woman, and as far as I know, she’s single. Is it so outlandish Murphy might be interested? I’m sure she gets that kind of attention all the time.”
I flipped him off. “Murphy’s not going to be Katty’s stepdad. He can go to hell.”
Roman tried to cover his laugh, but there was no hiding his shaking shoulders. For a man on thin ice, he sure was treading heavy. Laughing at me in my time of need? Some brother he was.
I groaned. “Christ, I hadn’t even considered Kat might have a stepdad one day. That’s…I can’t—”
Roman got ahold of himself in order to get ahold of me. “Don’t do that, Benny.” He cupped the sides of my neck. “Focus on what’s in front of you. The next step is telling Kat you’re her dad. Conquer that, then move on to what comes after. This, though? This is a huge deal.”
I closed my eyes, slowly exhaling. “Itisa huge deal.”
“You ready?”
“Yeah.” No hesitation. No doubts. “More than ready.”
I wasn’t ready.
I had to be, but I wasn’t. Except Katty and Mazzy were staring at me expectantly. I’d put this off the last three nights, and I was pretty sure Mazzy thought I was going to back out. That wasn’tit, though. I’d been thinking, reading, planning. Coming up with the right words. An explanation where no one was the bad guy, so Katty would understand I would have been there if I could have.
“Go ahead,” Mazzy whispered.
I looked at her. Her face upturned, watching me keenly. So far, we’d had a really good night. Mazzy had let me pick Kat up from preschool and bring her home. To most people, it might’ve been a little thing, but seeing Kat’s face light up when I walked through the door had made me feel ten feet tall.
Not to mention, I got to side-eye that Declan kid. He looked like a real troublemaker, all gap-toothed and adorable.
