But she didn’t want me. She wanted her mom. Buried her little face in Mazzy’s chest while Mazzy rocked and murmured soft, comforting words. All I could do was watch and hope I hadn’t ruined everything.
It took some time for Kat to calm down, and she stayed quiet the rest of the night, but she gave me a hug when she went to bed, so I was pretty sure she didn’t hate me.
Mazzy closed the door to Kat’s bedroom and met me in the living room, where I was trying not to fall apart.
“That could’ve gone worse,” I joked, but it fell flat, due to the stark lack of humor I was feeling.
“Oh no, Ben, don’t be upset.” Settling on the couch beside me, she put her hand on my leg. “Those were big feelings for her, and she didn’t have words for them. Our girl is an emotional little thing. She cries when she gets overwhelmed, good or bad.”
“I hate it, Mazz. Can’t stand seeing her like that.”
She leaned her shoulder into mine. “It’s not my favorite either, but you’re going to have to get used to it. One of the unfun parts of parenting. At least her tantrums have died down. You missed that phase.”
“Mazzy…” My chest had been scraped too raw to hear about the phases I hadn’t been around for. “I can’t—”
She tilted her head back, her eyes darting between mine. I must’ve looked as miserable as I felt. The next thing I knew, she’d gathered me against her like she had Katty earlier, my head cradled on her soft chest, her fingers threaded in my hair as she rocked and soothed me.
Wrapping my arms around her middle, I let it happen.
“I think I have big feelings too,” I mumbled.
She let out a short laugh. “It’s okay, Benny. Everything’s okay.”
“Why is it so believable when you say it?”
“I think it’s a mom thing.”
I closed my eyes, squeezing her tighter. “I wouldn’t know. Never had much of a mom. Really doubt she ever told me everything was gonna be okay.”
“I didn’t have a mom either, but I had two dads who were really good at this kind of thing. You’ll be good at it too.” Her fingers moved through my hair in a slow, gentle rhythm, hypnotizing me into believing every word that came out of her mouth. “One day, Katty’s going to go to you instead of me when she’s upset, and you’ll know exactly what to do.”
“I doubt it.”
“Idon’t doubt you, Ben.” Her fingers paused as she sucked in a shaky breath. “You’ll probably have to comfort me afterward, though, just like this.”
“I’ve got you, Mazz. If that day ever comes, my arms will be open to you, no questions asked.”
“We’ve got a deal.” She slid her hand down to my jaw, giving it a pat, then carved faint lines in my scruff with her nails. “If I keep doing this, I’m going to fall asleep, and I have way too much reading to do.”
Reluctantly, I lifted my head, bringing us closer than I expected. Her cheeks were flushed, and her lips were parted like a blooming flower. But it was her eyes that got me. Sky blue and both lively and tender, they cut me to the quick, making me want to slip off her glasses to see them even closer.
Her gentle exhale skated across my lips. “Alotof reading,” she said, reminding me why I’d sat up in the first place. It wasnotto stare into her pretty eyes.
I leaned back, a playful smirk falling into place. “Is this your way of telling me to get my ass out of here?”
“In a much more polite way, yes.” She gave my face a shove. “Scram.”
“Fine, fine.” I pulled myself away from her warmth, but it wasn’t easy. Mazzy was so damn soft and incredibly easy to hug.My bones cracked and protested as I rose to my feet, but it had to be done.
I helped her up from the couch, and she followed me to the door. We both stood there for a beat, neither of us saying anything. Finally, she nudged my abdomen with the back of her hand.
“Get going, you.”
“All right, all right. I know when I’m not wanted.”
I slung my arm around her and pulled her in for a hug. Once I had her, I bent down and kissed the top of her head. She sighed against my chest and hugged me back in a way that told me she needed it as much as I had.
“Night, Mazz.”
