“You can tell me,” she urged, gentle as a lamb.
I rubbed my face hard. I wasn’t good at this serious stuff, but I needed to learn to be, because I wanted this with Mazzy. Not just sex and laughing—a connection that ran deep. Knowing each other far beyond the surface. Revealing the ugliness and insecurities beneath the shiny facade. I didn’t really know how to go about doing that beyond dumping it all out, stepping back, and seeing what happened.
“I think I’ve always felt like I need to keep it light and fun so people want to stay. Not saying that’s not me—it is—but sometimes, it’s like a compulsion. If I stop joking, I won’t be liked. If I quit playing rugby, I’ll be forgotten.” Mazzy’s hand tightened around mine, and I kept going. “I want to be real with you and Kat. It’s important you get all of me. I’m just figuring out who that is. A little late, yeah, but that’s where I am.”
“You never have to be anything you’re not with me.” She shifted onto her knees, one hand splayed warm against my chest, the other sliding along my jaw to my neck. Her eyes were soft and fierce all at once. “I can handle dark and gritty. I want all of you. And if you want help figuring things out, I’m here. We can do it together.”
She leaned in closer, forehead nearly touching mine.
“I’ll be your safe space too, Benny.”
Her breath brushed my lips, and something in my chest unfurled. The heaviness in my gut was still there, but it had lightened enough for me to breathe.
I’d said it—the things I’d been thinking about a long time but had never voiced. And Mazzy hadn’t flinched or looked away. She’d leaned in, just how I thought she would.
“When was the last time you saw her?”
“My mom?” She nodded. “When my dad died, she showed up for the funeral. As soon as it was over, Adrian saw her out.”
“That’s it?”
“Yeah, baby. That’s it. We’re not interesting enough for her to put in the work she’d need in order to have a relationship with us.”
She let out a disgusted huff. “I’m sorry, I know she’s your mom and I shouldn’t say this, but I’m going to anyway—she’s a massive dummy.Huge.Ginormous. Not interesting?Pffft. You alone are fascinating. Add in your brothers—” With a groan, she cut herself off to scowl at me.
Despite the heavy topic, I had to laugh. “Thanks for sticking up for me.” I ran my fingertip over her crinkled brow. “You like me, huh?”
“Yes. Of course I do. But right now, I’m angry for you. Don’t try to be cute.”
“Okay.” I kissed her jutted chin. “I won’t try.”
That got me a finger wag. “You’re doing it.”
Catching her finger, I slid my hands around her waist and tugged her so she relaxed against me, her legs folding to the side as she curled into my chest. I pressed my face into her silky hair and sighed.
For a long stretch, neither of us spoke. She trailed her fingertips along my ribs, and I settled, sinking into the mattress and her embrace.
“You know,” she finally whispered, “for someone who claims he’s not good at the serious stuff, you’re pretty impressive.”
I grinned against her crown. “Don’t spread that around. You’ll ruin my rep.”
“Oh no.” She pretended to shudder. “The boys on the pitch might not be afraid of you if they find out you have feelings.”
“Exactly. All I have going for me is the intimidation factor. Without that, I might as well lie down and let them trample me.”
She giggled, her whole body shaking against mine, the sound breaking through the last of the heaviness.
I tightened my arms around her, pulling her even closer. “You’re already my safe space, Maz.”
“That makes me really happy.” She tipped her head up just enough to kiss my jaw.
I eased us so we lay on our sides, Mazzy tucked against my chest, my arm around her waist like it belonged there. She came with me without hesitation, fitting into me so perfectly, it almost startled me.
“This okay?” I asked.
“Mmmhmm.” She snuggled closer, hooking one leg around mine. “More than.”
“Good, because you’re staying right here.”
