“I figured out there was sexual assault of some kind,” Ghost says, “and I’m not sure I approve of you doing that to someone, no matter what.”
“Well, Ghost, Jack was there andheapproved it, so I guess what you think of it doesn’t matter. Anyway, Jack wants you. He wants to discuss what to do with Rook. So, here I am.”
I had wanted Ace to come spend some time with me, but after hearing what he’s said, I’m not so sure. Part of me is glad he’s gone to bat for me, but another part of me is unsettled and grossed out at the thought. Ledger is disgusting. I want him beaten to a pulp until he dies a horrible death, but I’m not sure I wanted Ace anywhere near him biblically.
Not when I had wanted him nearme.
Ghost pokes his head around the door and, seeing that I’m awake, walks over to me and perches on the edge of the couch. “Will you be okay if I go speak with Jack for a while?”
“Of course. I’m fine.” It’s a lie. I’m far from fine.
“Ace is here to keep you company, and there are men outside guarding the house. You’re safe.”
I nod and twist my hands in my lap.
“We won’t let you down again, Camile.”
He says it with such heavy seriousness that I know he means it with all his heart. If only it was as easy as that. But will I ever be safe? The biker club has enemies, and they will probably always find themselves embroiled in one territory war or another. Really, in many ways, the life here isn’t any safer than the cartel life. If I go back home eventually, I’ll be in danger, and the same applies if I stay.
I could strike out alone, take on a fake identity and just disappear, but I don’t want to do that. The idea of being out there with no family or tribe around me to back me up if things went wrong is way too scary. Besides, I don’t want to leave these men. I know nothing will ever happen between Jack and me, and I guess I’m learning how to come to terms with that, but Rook and Ace both mean something to me, and now it feels like Ghost and I are getting closer. The thought of leaving them hurts more than anything.
“I mean it. It was an unforgivable error on our part and one that won’t be repeated.” Ghost leans in and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, his fingers brushing ever so softly over my cheek.
A cleared throat has me glancing at the doorway. Ace is watching us, his eyebrows drawn together.
Ghost jerks his hand back as if he’s been caught with it in the cookie jar. God knows why he’s reacting that way. He’s allowed to touch me, damn it.
He gets to his feet and ducks his head. “See you later.”
I offer him a smile. “Thanks, Ghost. For everything.”
After he’s left, Ace wanders into the room, his hands stuffed in his pockets, shoulders hunched. He looks tense. Not his usual bouncy self at all.
“You okay?” I ask.
He shrugs. “I’m much more worried about you than myself, Camile. How are you holding up?”
Blowing out a long breath, I contemplate how to answer that. What can I say?I feel half dead inside? I feel as if I don’t even exist? As if there’s a thick glass wall between me and the rest of the world, and I can’t penetrate it?
All of those things are true, and yet, I don’t feel likesharing. What’s the point? Ace can’t take those feelings away. I just need to work through the shock. Better to focus on others than myself.
“No one is beating on Rook, are they?”
Ace’s eyes narrow. “I have no clue. Camile. You ought to think about yourself way more than you are about him. Rook did some shit. I know, Ledger… he… umm… he told me that Rook and you… he… Fuck.” He rakes his fingers through his hair and starts pacing.
“Ace, can you not make this about you?” I snap.
He turns to me, surprised. “What? I’m not doing that. I’m worried about you.”
“You’re all so worried about me, and concerned, and angry on my behalf that I feel like I can’t breathe. I’d tell you the truth except I don’t think you can handle it.”
He comes to sit down on the floor by the couch, his legs crossed, looking up at me, all earnest. Like this, he looks about a decade younger for an instant, and I get a flash of what he must have been like as a kid.
“I can handle it. I promise. You don’t have to tell me, though.”
“I want to. I wasn’t sure whether I’d want to talk about it, but you know the gory details now. Except what you don’t know is how it was for me. But you’ve got to promise not to freak out. You, and me, and Rook, we had a thing going, and I don’t want that to end. They forced Rook to do some stuff to me, yes, that’s true, but it wasn’t as bad as what they did to him, and he’s so cut up about it. None of what happened between me and Rook, though, is what broke me. He… he made it good for me, Ace. Do you understand what I’m saying?” My heart is beating far too fast. What if he’s disgusted by my words? Ghost wasn’t, but he’s been through similar.
“Yes, I understand, and you’re not to blame. But Rook? What he did, it was fucked up. I’d never have done that. I’d have rather died.”
