He’s matter of fact, but there’s a gruff softness to his tone that has Rook finally looking up to meet his gaze.
“No, maybe not, but a real man would have rather died.”
Ghost cocks his head to one side. “And what would have happened to Camile if you’d fallen on your proverbial sword?”
Rook shrugs. “Maybe it would have been bad, but at least it wouldn’t have been her friend betraying her.”
Leaning forward, I tap my fingers against my desk. I’m sitting behind it in the office, and Ghost and Rook are the other side. “Listen, Rook. I’d have you out for this. For disobeying orders, for fucking up, for risking everything. You went off half-cocked, and if she had been held by the main Revenants and your so-called friend had taken you there, it would most likely have resulted in your death. But here’s the thing, whatever went down between you and Camile in that place, and I mean the deep shit, not the mechanics of it all, it seems to have formed a deeper bond between her and you. That means she needs you. Which means I’m inclined to let you stay, but only if you pull your head out of your ass and stop with the guilt trip you’re on. If you stay, it is because you can be there for her.”
“He’s right,” Ghost adds. “You feel like shit, and I get it, but if you want to make amends, stop making this about how you feel, and listen to what she’s telling you. It might change in the future as she processes things, but right now, Camile wants you here and wants to see you.”
Rook nods, but his head is still down, his hands steepled at his chin, as though in prayer.
Then Ghost shocks the ever-loving hell out of me.
“I went through something similar, Rook. It fucksyour head up, and it messes with you big time. I don’t talk about it. Not because I’m ashamed—I did nothing wrong—but because unless it’s pertinent to any discussion, why the fuck would I? And it’s rarely pertinent, but in this case it is. You did what you could to survive in a very fucked up situation. And it worked, because you and Camile are back here and you’re physically okay.”
Rook nods again and sniffs, but the film of tears has dried up.
“You are physically okay, right, Rook?” Ghost pushes.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m okay.”
“Issheokay, physically?” I ask, the question like ashes in my mouth. “No bleeding or anything?”
“Not that I know of.” Rook stares at his glass so hard, I’m surprised it doesn’t shatter from the shear energy of his gaze.
I turn to Ghost, since he’s the one who’s been with her overnight. “Did she seem like she needed a doctor?”
Ghost shakes his head. “No, she seems okay. A little battered and bruised, and sore, of course, but she’s not unwell. It’s the emotional side of things that she’s going to need some healing from.” He stares at me. “That’s why she needs our support.Allof our support.”
He’s directing that comment at me, and I experience a twinge of guilt of my own. I understand what he’s saying—that I’ve deliberately been keeping my distance from Camile, and it’s being noticed by the other men, but also by Camile. The last thing I want is to cause her more pain, but I can’t see any way I can be in her life and not do so.
I’m hurting from it, too. I have to live with the knowledge that my men can be with her in a way that I can’t—that they’vealreadybeen with her in that way—and itfucking kills me. I can see that Ghost is getting closer to her, too, and I know he’s grown a little obsessed with her by the way he’d been watching her on those cameras.
Fuck, the cameras. I’m not sure what to do about them now. A part of me thinks I should tell Ghost to get rid of them, but I also have to acknowledge that without them we would never have known for sure what happened to Camile.
I probably need to have a straight conversation with Ghost about them, but this isn’t the time.
“Okay?” Ghost looks to me as he speaks
I get what he’s asking.Can he stay? I nod once.
Ghost blows out a breath. “Rook, can you go wait in the bar? Give me and Jack five minutes to talk about things?”
Rook picks his drink up. “Sure thing, Sarge.”
Rook uses the title a lot of the members give Ghost when addressing him, but it’s not one I normally hear Rook use. He normally just calls him by his name, the way Ace and I do.
It shows me that he’s already trying to follow protocol a little more.
When Rook is gone and the door closes behind him, Ghost rakes a hand through his dark hair.
“Fuck me,” he mutters. “Are we doing the right thing in letting him stay? It feels right, but he really did fuck up by leaving alone on a crazed rescue mission.”
I nod. “I think so. It might change if Camile suddenly no longer wants him around.”
“That’s if Camile stays.” Ghost rubs his jaw. “She might wind up deciding to leave.”
