My heart sank.
“Gray, there’s something I need to—”
I pressed my fingers to his lips, cutting him off. I didn’t need to hear how this shouldn’t have happened, how it couldn’t happen again, how it changed everything.
He was right. It shouldn’t have happened. It couldn’t happen again. And it did change everything.
But it was done. And despite the ache in my chest, despite what the future held, despite the details of whatever deal had brought him into my life, I wouldn’t say I regretted it. Not for a minute.
I sat up in bed, clutching the sheet to my chest. “What time is it? Did you hear from Asher? We should probably check in with those guys.”
“Please don’t go,” he whispered. “Not yet.”
I felt his hand on my shoulder, warm and firm, gently urging me back to bed.
I lay on my back, staring up at the ceiling, trying to brace for whatever he was about to tell me.
“I didn’t choose this life, Gray. I need you to know that.”
“Okay,” I said, still not sure where he was going with this.
“Centuries ago, I woke up in a place I didn’t recognize, no clue where I’d come from or how I’d gotten there. I didn’t know my name, my age, my country, none of it.”
My breath caught in my throat, and I rolled onto my hip, facing him. In all our years, he’d never talked about his past. His origins. I’d always been too scared to ask for details. Even after what I’d found out earlier, I still didn’t have the courage to ask for more.
“I was in a castle,” he said. “In the countryside somewhere. I searched every room until I finally found a man sitting in a formal dining room, two places set, as if he’d been waiting for me.
“He poured us each a glass of bourbon and told me he was my father. That I’d suffered a magical attack that’d affected my memories, but that I’d been born a demon. That I’d chosen to fulfill my destiny as a crossroads demon, just like he and his father had. I had no reason to doubt the guy, but it never felt right. All the contracts, the souls, the lives… it haunted me. But what could I say? I had no memories of my own. No place to go. All I had was this man and his legacy—one I didn’t want to taint. I believed that story for… a long time.”
“But not anymore?” I asked.
“About fifty years ago, I refused a deal. A kid was involved—I just couldn’t. I let the family off the hook—tried to help them go undercover, get new identities, the whole thing. It worked for a few years, but then Hell caught up with them.” Ronan closed his eyes, the memories deepening the lines around his mouth.
“My father flew into a rage,” he continued. “But rather than beating me or locking me in a dungeon or sending me to oblivion, he decided the most severe form of punishment was the truth.”
I reached up and traced his brow, wondering how long he’d been carrying this burden, wishing I could take away his pain.
“The man who’d been calling himself my father was not my father at all,” he said, “But a high-ranking demon prince named Sebastian. And I hadn’t always been a demon. I was human once, Gray. Thirty-one years old. Ronan Michael Vacarro—that part has always been true.”
“So how did you end up there? You sold your soul?”
The rain picked up outside, lashing the windows, and I snuggled deeper beneath the blankets, closer to Ronan. I grabbed his hand and turned over on my other side, wrapping his arm around me, pressing my back against his chest. I wanted him to know I was right here. Solid and real. Not going anywhere, no matter what he said next.
A deep sigh escaped his lips, and he pressed a kiss to the back of my neck, nuzzling me. After a long moment, he finally said, “My parents—my human parents—they weren’t good people. Long story short, my old man made a deal at the crossroads to buy ten more lousy years on their miserable lives. You know the going rate on ten more years?”
I closed my eyes, tears staining my pillow. He didn’t have to spell it out.
“It was the first thing Sebastian ever told me that rang true,” he said. “For so long after that, I blamed my parents—people I couldn’t even remember. I was so sure they’d robbed me—they were the ones who’d made the deal, who’d traded me in, right? But all that blame was misplaced. Sebastian—he could’ve let me spend the rest of eternity not knowing, or just believing I’d somehow brought it all on myself, some karmic curse I deserved. But he’d wanted me to know that I wasn’t good enough. That my own parents—my fucking parents—threw me away, cursed my soul to hell.”
I turned back to him again, taking his face in my hands, pressing kisses to his cheeks, his jaw, his mouth, trying to show him with everything in me how truly loved he was.
“I wish he’d never told me,” he whispered, closing his eyes.
“But then you wouldn’t know the truth,” I said. “You’d be living a lie, always wondering.”
“I used to think that.” He opened his eyes, meeting my gaze in the moonlight. “The truth shall set you free—that’s how the saying goes, right? But here’s the thing about the truth. Yeah, sometimes it sets you free. Sometimes it fucking destroys you.”
“I would rather be destroyed by the truth than build my life on a lie.” The words came out harsher than I’d intended, but Ronan didn’t flinch—just claimed my mouth in another searing kiss.
