I’d thought about selecting a few of her favorite things to keep with her ashes once we got those from the funeral home—maybe a piece of jewelry, a knickknack or two—at least until I was able to make that trip to Colorado to scatter them.
I’d even decided to keep her annoying fox clock; I wanted to think about her and smile every time it chimed.
But the clock had probably melted, and her clothing had probably vaporized, and now I’d never have the chance to do any of those things I’d planned.
Maybe it was a stupid thing to get upset over when I was sitting here in this beautiful cabin with people who cared about me, fed and clothed and warm, unharmed, a solid roof over our heads, but it broke my heart just the same.
In so many ways, losing the house felt like losing her all over again. Like I’d disappointed her all over again.
“How… How did it happen?” I finally asked. “Electrical or something? Old wiring? Gas leak?”
“This wasn’t an accident, Gray,” Emilio said, taking a seat next to me. “It was arson. Somebody set that fire.”
Somebody set that fire.
“Gray?” Ronan sat on my other side, his brow furrowed with concern. “You okay?”
“She’s in shock,” Emilio said.
“Just breathe, baby.” Ronan rubbed my back. I was dimly aware of his soft murmurs, of Emilio’s hand on my thigh, of Asher coming out of his bedroom to find out what was going on.
But all I could smell was smoke. I tasted it on my tongue. Felt the heat of the flames consuming my house. Heard the hiss and pop of the wood as it finally gave in to the destruction.
My eyes glazed with tears, and I closed them, trying to catch my breath. To swallow through the lump in my throat. To calm myself.
Asher had told me I needed to stop hiding under a blanket and crying every time things didn’t go my way. I’d taken his comments to heart. I hadn’t cried since that night—not once.
I didn’t want to cry now, either. Not in front of Asher. But no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t hold back the dam.
It poured out of me in a heaving sob, my body shaking with it, my tears falling like a rainstorm.
Asher took one look at me, then turned around and grabbed his helmet off the island where he’d left it, heading right for the front door.
“Asher?” Ronan called, but the incubus didn’t stop.
“I can’t watch this,” he said.
“Really?” I glared at him, shocked at his cruelty. At his heartlessness. “Sorry if my tears are annoying you, demon. Instead of teaching me how to fight, maybe you should teach me how to turn my heart into a block of ice.”
The words burned my tongue on the way out, filling me with shame. I hated myself for speaking to him that way, but I was hollowed out inside, broken and defeated, every piece of me in agony.
Asher glared right back at me. “You think I don’tfeelthings?”
“No, I think you’re a master at dealing with your emotions. That’s why you spend your nights drawing ghosts in your sketchbook and pushing everyone who’s still alive away.”
Asher scoffed and shook his head, his eyes saying what his mouth wouldn’t.
He couldn’t stand the sight of me.
Not that I blamed him. Not after what I’d just said. The realization sent forth a fresh tsunami of tears, and I closed my eyes, trying to find the words to apologize. To explain. To take it all back.
“Asher?”
Ignoring me, he turned on his heel and marched out the door. Seconds later, the roar of his motorcycle rattled the front windows.
It felt like my heart was chained to the back of that bike, dragged along behind him for hundreds of miles as he sped away into the night.
“It’s okay, Gray,” Ronan said softly. “We’ll get through this.”
