But Liam was different. He’d always been just a little… outside of things. From the moment he’d arrived in Sophie’s bedroom the night of her murder, he and Ronan had butted heads. They’d worked through some of their differences since then, but I wasn’t sure Ronan was ready to hear the full story of me and Liam. And if he knew that Liam had made a bargain with Sebastian for my soul long before any of this had ever started…
My heart squeezed, tears springing to my eyes. I blinked them away, hoping Ronan hadn’t noticed.
“Do you remember when I told you there was nothing I wouldn’t do for you?” he asked. “I meant it, Gray. I want you to feel like you can be open with me about anything. Your feelings for Liam included. If you—”
“Why?” I whispered, fresh tears spilling, and in that one word he knew I wasn’t talking about Liam or anyone else for that matter.
I was talking about Ronan. About what he’d done to get me out of the Shadowrealm.
It was a long time before he found the words to respond.
“This… this was one of those things, too,” he said. “I said there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. That includes giving you up to keep you safe.”
“There might’ve been another—”
“There wasn’t. You were trapped in the Shadowrealm. Even Liam couldn’t get you out. The thought of you there alone, facing those demons… I couldn’t let it happen. Darius and I had to get to you, and the only way we could was through the hell portal. Sebastian never does anything without a price, and he knew I’d pay any price for you. So yeah, I gave you up. I did it because I wanted you to live. To love. To be that crazy, stubborn, beautiful witch you’ve always been.” He offered me a sad smile. “As long as I know you’re out there living your life, I… I have to be okay with that.”
“But I’mnotout there. I’m here. Trying to find a permanent way out of this bullshit deal with Sebastian. If I don’t, there is no living my life, with you or without you.”
“Don’t say that,” he whispered, his lips so close to mine I could already taste his kiss. “You’re young, smart, passionate, powerful, beautiful… there’s so much more you—”
I shook my head, cutting him off. All I could think about was his kiss. How long until I forgot the feel of his lips? The warmth of his breath? The soft velvet of his tongue? The intensity in his gaze as we…
I closed my eyes—the only thing I could do to break the connection.
“You have taken a piece of my heart, Ronan,” I said. “Carved it right out and set it on fire. I’m so in love with you I can’t even breathe to think of a life without you. Now you’re asking me to accept this? To stand by and watch everything we are to each other burn to ashes?”
“Look at me, Gray. Please.”
I opened my eyes. His own were red and glassy, heartbreak written on his face. The sight of his pain made my heart stop.
“There’s nothing else we can do,” he said. “It’s over. It’s just over.”
My heart started up again with a painful sputter. And this time when it beat, it fell out of step, missing its twin. Missing my best friend.
“I willneverstop loving you,” I whispered, taking his face into my hands. It hurt to touch him, my skin burning with an ache I would never be able to ease. Not with words and promises. Not with dreams of a better future. Not with kisses.
“This isn’t—”
“I love you, Ronan Vacarro. So, so much.” I looked deep into his eyes and waited for him to say it. That he loved me, too. That nothing Sebastian said or did would ever change that, even if he couldn’t act on it.
“Gray, I…”
Say it, Ronan. Just say it…
“You should… get some rest,” he finally said, standing up unceremoniously from the bed. All traces of regret, of love, of friendship were gone in a flash. “I need to make arrangements to transport Darius. I’ll come get you when it’s time to go.”
“That’sit?” I stood from the bed and followed him to the door, shouting at his back. “That’s all you’re going to say?”
“What do youwantme to say, Gray?”
I grabbed his shoulders and spun him around, ignoring the smoke. “I want you to look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me. Tell me this is really over between us.”
I placed my hand on his chest, seeking the familiar drum-beat of his heart. It pounded behind his ribcage, harder and harder with every breath, even as my touch burned through his T-shirt.
He leaned in close, so close I could count his eyelashes. His breath came in short staccato bursts, each one kissing my lips.
“Say it again,” I whispered. “Tell me again that it’s over.”
