I reached up over her head and adjusted the water so she’d get more of the warmth.
“You were right earlier,” she said, her eyes still closed, the skin between them creased as if she were trying her damnedest to keep the images at bay. “When I found you in that cell, you asked me if I’d missed you. I missed you so much… so fucking much. I thought about you every day we were apart, and the picture of this moment right here…” She put her hand flat against my chest and shook her head. “It got me through some of the scariest shit I’ve ever faced.”
“Hey. You got yourselfthrough that shit, because you’re strong as hell, Gray. You fought some epic shit, and you still came out swinging. Every time. That’s all you.”
“All I wanted was for all of us to be together again,” she went on. “Now you’re here. We got you out of that prison. We saved the witches. But we can’t exactly celebrate, because Ronan is… bound by Sebastian’s deal. I’m bound by my own deal with him. I found out my birthmother tried to kill me. Darius doesn’t remember anything, and—”
“Wait. What? Gray, slow down. Breathe. I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
She shook her head, but I couldn’t tell if she’d even heard me.
“Emilio’s hurt,” she continued. “Really hurt. And Ronan and Elena were just… They looked like they’d already lost hope. How can he come back from that?”
She opened her eyes and looked to me as if I had the answers, but nothing I could say would make this right. Make it hurt less. I shook my head and reached for her face again, wishing I could kiss away the pain.
“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
“I know.” She lowered her eyes, water droplets collecting along her dark lashes. “I’m sorry, too.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” I said. But before I could take another breath, she was stretching up on her toes again, pulling me close.
Her mouth covered mine in another kiss, this one so intense, it rivaled the heat of the water.
“Your lips,” I mumbled. “I don’t want to hurt your—”
“I don’t care,” she breathed. “I just… I want you. Us. Right now, Ash. I need to feel you inside me.Please.”
Fucking hell, this woman was going to wring me right out.
“Gray, you’re freaked out and upset and I get it. But…”
I trailed off, not sure where to take it. She felt so volatile right now—and who could blame her? But what the hell was I supposed to say?No, Gray. I don’t want you to use me as a painkiller. No, Gray. I want you to need me, not just because my touch feels good, but because it brings you happiness. Because you really do love me, just like you said…
“Asher,” she said, curling her hands into my hair, desperation seeping into her voice, “I can’t… I can’t think about this shit anymore tonight. I feel like my head is going to explode. Right now, I just need you. That’s all.”
That’s all…
Despite her earlier declarations, the doubts crept in again. And there, in the darkest part of my tattered soul, pain flickered.
I forced a smile and pulled her close. “Whatever you need, Cupcake. You know that.”
Didn’t matter what I felt in that moment. I’d meant what I said—I’d give her anything she asked for, without question. I knew what it felt like standing on the edge of the cliff, staring down over the yawning chasm of grief, the fear of death nipping at your heels. Times like that, all you wanted was to feel alive. I fucking got it.
But it still stung.
I held her gaze, and her eyes softened, a sad smile just barely touching her lips.
“It’s not like that, Ash,” she whispered, as if she could read my thoughts. Hell, maybe she could. I could sarcasm my way out of just about anything, but I’d never been great at hiding my feelings—especially from her.
“I don’t need sex,” she said. “I don’t need a distraction. I needyou. I… there’s so much more to say, so much I want to tell you about. But right now, everything feels so… so fragile. A lot of bad shit happened, and even though I made it out, I feel… off. Like, there’s this thing inside me, this magic, and it keeps getting stronger, but I’m not sure what to do with that. There’s this whole legacy thing we found out about, and I’m supposed to lead the witches… I don’t even know what it all means. All I know is that sometimes, when I close my eyes, all I see is a big, black pit. And all I want to do is jump.” She shivered again, her voice dropping to a whisper. “I don’t even know what’s real.”
“You don’t have to figure it out tonight.” I cupped her face, tilting her up to meet my gaze again. “And you don’t have to figure it out by yourself.”
“I know. But for a little while, I thought I lost you.” A tear slid down her cheek.
Brushing it away with my thumb, I said, “You haven’t.”
“I need to feel you inside me,” she said again. “Not just to feel good and forget everything else, but to know that you’re really here. That you’re whole. That you’re not going to disappear on me the minute I close my eyes again.”
