“So there it is, Little Bird. The shit-show you’re signing up for with me.” I scrub a hand over my face and groan. “I realize this makes me a complete dickhead. And I have no right to ask you to get anywherenearthis shit. Anywhere nearme. But I can’t lie to you about this, Stevie. Iwantyou near me. More than anything.” I look into her eyes, trying to memorize the shape of her face, the curve of her mouth. Even the sound of her voice makes me feel things I didn’t think were possible—even when she’s yelling at me. Hell, especially then. “No matter what happens tonight, I’m glad I told you.”
“Me too,” she says, a sad smile touching her lips. “What you went through with your brother… with your family… It sucks. It’s a rotten deal, and you never should’ve gotten stuck with it. But…”
I nod and wait for her to continue, but she’s gone silent again, rising from the couch and heading over to the windows that look out across the Forest of Iron and Bone. I watch her standing there, my eyes composing the shot, my memory photographing every detail—the way the moonlight plays off her skin, the shape of her shoulders, the squiggles of that crazy curly hair spilling down her back.
Goddess, what has this woman done to me?
I don’t get off on hopping from bed to bed—it’s just not my style. But I haven’t been a saint, either. I’ve had my share of fun between the sheets. Still, the women who came before… it wasn’t like this. Stevie’s gotten under my skin, right straight through to my heart. I don’t know what it means or what to call it, but it’s like she said earlier.
I don’t want to be friends—that’s not enough. Not anymore.
Unfortunately, I’m not sure the non-friendship thing is still an option for her.
“But… You can’t deal with the Kirkpatrick crazy,” I say, so she doesn’t have to.
I don’t expect her to answer, but she turns around anyway, fresh tears shining in her eyes. It’s a gut-punch, but nothing less than I expected. She’d have to be insane to stick around for this shit.
“Honestly?” she says. “I don’t know, Baz. Carly is pretty… intense. And whatever her true motives in helping your family, Janelle iswayoff-balance, and something tells me she’s not going to just let you live your life here. I sensed those tiger claws embedded in your chest the moment I walked into the common room yesterday.”
“She’s controlling and possessive,” I say. “Always has been.”
“That’s an understatement. And you and I? We’re just getting to know each other. All this shit makes it alotharder—and that’s not even accounting for all the Arcana insanity we’re dealing with.”
“I get it. I really do.”
“Complications scare the shit out of me.”
“I know.”
“The answer issoobvious, Baz. So clear. Logic says we should shut this whole thing down before we get in any deeper. We should keep our relationship purely Arcana-based, maybe a little friendship on the side, nothing more.”
Forcing a smile I don’t feel, I cock my head and say, “Yup. That would be the smart choice.”
“Best decision of the year.”
“You’re right.”
“But,” she says, and I swear in this moment, I’ve never loved a word more. It’s a maybe, that but. A loophole. Hope.
Stevie crosses back to stand in front of me and leans forward, sliding her hands over my shoulders, the tiniest smile curving her lips. “Maybe we need to hit the pause button on what’s smart and just do what’s right instead.”
She pushes me back and climbs into my lap, crashing into my mouth with a kiss that sets my world on fire and makes me fucking believe in miracles again.
And for just a little while, the ghosts haunting my head slink back into the basement, shut the door, and turn off all the lights, disappearing into the darkness.
Twenty
STEVIE
The first time I slept with Baz was wild and unbidden, all the built-up tension and anger and frustration and lust between us finally exploding in an epic All Hallow’s Eve fireworks show.
But tonight, after everything he shared with me, spoken and unspoken, his touch turns slow and tender, both of us wandering into a strange new territory that leaves me off-balance and exposed. Terrified. But also exhilarated.
Rising from the couch, he carries me into the bedroom and gently lays me on the bed, his body hovering over me, his gaze never leaving mine.
We stare at each other for an eternity, for so long I swear I’m falling into those fiery red-brown eyes.
“Goddessyou’re beautiful,” Baz says, his voice breaking into a whisper that falls warm and soft on my lips.
