It’s just a card, Stevie. You’re so distracted about Baz, you’re barely even paying attention today.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I’m just on edge today, that’s all.
“I thought I’d find you here.” Kirin’s voice from the other side of the archives lab startles me. I didn’t even hear him come through the security system.
I open my eyes and try to smile, but we both know it isn’t working. The anguish and frustration must be written all over my face.
Kirin takes one look at the cards and notebooks spread out before me and gestures toward the adjacent chair. “Do you mind?”
“Of course not.” Despite my sour mood, I can’t help but be glad he’s here.
“Stevie…” He reaches for my face, knuckles brushing softly down my cheek. “What happened last night—you have to know Baz isn’t himself.”
“Have you heard from him?” I ask.
“He hasn’t returned my calls or texts. I tried knocking on his door, but that only got a few curses and something thrown at the wall, which I guess was better than something being thrown at my head.”
“At least we know he’s alive in there.” I try to laugh, but just like my smile, it falls short.
“It isn’t Baz,” Kirin says, his hands warm and reassuring on my shoulders. “You know Baz. We both do. And that man who walked out on us last night isn’t him.”
I let out a deep sigh. I want to agree, but I can’t.
“You’re wrong, Kirin. ItisBaz—right now, the only version we’ve got. Something may be broken inside of him, but he’s stillhim. He’s stillours. And unless we figure out how to put him back together again, it’s the only version of him we’ll ever know.”
He swipes my tears with his thumbs. “You can’t think like that.”
“I felt his energy last night, Kirin. I don’t know how it happened, but in that moment, right before he left? Something just… just turned off. He meant everything he said last night, everything he did.”
“If you sensed his energy when he left, then surely you sensed it before. When we were all together.” Kirin’s eyes darken with desire, a memory of all our shared moments last night.
Shared moments we should be reminiscing about with Baz.Recreatingwith Baz.
“He cares for us both,” Kirin says. “And he’s crazy in love with you, just like I am. That’s the real Baz. And we will figure this out.”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Kirin’s right—I did feel those things last night. More than that. And I know it was real.
But something happened in the moments that followed—something that turned his heart to stone, just like in the Three of Swords card.
“It’s like he’s shut down,” I say.
“Protecting himself, more likely.” Kirin picks up one of my notebooks, flipping through some of my notes about the realm. “You said the realm forced you to face your worst fears, right?”
A shiver rattles down my spine as the images come back to mind—the rush of water, my father’s bloated body. Luke, hauling me to safety only to turn on me, then burn alive.
My mouth fills with the taste of salt, my stomach threatening to revolt.
“I wouldn’t say I faced it,” I say, swallowing hard. “Survived, okay. But facing something implies dealing with it, and I think we’re all a long way from that.”
“Whatever Baz went through, it’s just hitting him a lot harder. It’s not surprising that he’s running hot and cold, getting close and then retreating. Putting up those walls. He’s terrified, Stevie. Not just of what he experienced in his past, but what that means for his future. His relationships. All of it.”
I look into Kirin’s eyes. “How can you be so calm and sure?”
He grabs my hand, then nods at the mess on the table. “Because we’ve got you on our side. And I know better than anyone… You won’t stop digging until you find something to fix this. In the meantime, all we can do is just be there for Baz in whatever way he’ll let us, and keep the faith.”
His optimism gives me a much-needed boost, and I finally return his smile—probably the first real smile I’ve shared today.
Feeling at least fifty percent better than I did when I got here, I stand up and reassemble the stacks of notebooks and Tarot cards.
