She nodded. “But I told myself I wouldn’t ask you.”
“Ask what?”
The breath left her lungs in a rush, stirring the steamy air between us. “What you did to get exiled to Midnight. You… you must’ve had your reasons for leaving that night, but… Anyway, it doesn’t matter now. No going back.”
Yeah, I had my reasons. At the time, I thought they were good ones. Honorable, even.
If I could go back and change things…
No.
As fucked up as it sounded—as much as the woman’s very presence was tearing me up inside—I still couldn’t say I’d do things differently with a second chance. Going to Midnight… It was something I had to do back then, just like I had to do it now.
Hurting Haley, though… That was the one thing Iwouldundo.
“Haley, you have to know I—”
She held up her hand, cutting me off. “I told you, I’m not interested in rehashing the past. I don’t need to know how you got to Midnight. But there is something Idoneed to know. Something we didn’t cover earlier.”
“Anything,” I breathed.
“How the hell did you guys getout?”
“Midnight’s… Well, it’s not much different from any other place. A few bribes here, an exchange there, an agreement or two…”
“I guess everyone has a price,” she said.
“Absolutely. The question is… Are you willing to pay it? Can you bear that cost for the rest of your life?”
She held my gaze for a long time, searching my face as if the answers she swore she didn’t want were written there.
If she noticed my blown pupils, she didn’t mention it.
Instead, she said sadly, “What did it cost you?”
“More than you can imagine.”
Tears tracked down her cheeks, and I reached for her, cupping her face and swiping them away with my thumbs. She didn’t pull back.
“I never stopped thinking about you, little sparrow.” I held her face in my hands and drew closer, whispering against her lips. “Not once.”
It was a confession I never would’ve bared if I’d been off the Black, but the inhibitions were down and the words were out and—like everything else in my fucked-up existence—I couldn’t take them back.
“Elian…” She lowered her eyes again.
“Tell me you didn’t think about me too,” I said softly. “Tell me you banished me from your mind the night I walked out on you. Tell me you weren’t thinking of me in the shower tonight, and I swear to you, Haley, I’ll walk out of here right fucking now and never bring it up again.”
She shook her head, a broken laugh escaping. “I can’t.”
Damn it. I was playing withseriousfire, but having her this close again, her tears on my skin, her breath in the air, I couldn’t let her go.
Just another minute,I promised myself.Two tops.
I wasn’t so stoned I couldn’t tell the difference between reality and my own twisted bullshit. I still knew I wasn’t allowed to kiss her, to touch her any more intimately than I already had, but the Dream gave me just enough of a push to keep me walking along that razor-sharp edge.
Ask her,the moron on my shoulder said.You know you want to.
“Do you remember the first time I caught you singing in the shower?” I whispered.
