“Loneliness?”
“Longing for someone to love and to love you back—partner, family member, community, friend, or otherwise?”
“Pain?”
“Haley, it’s still about love. Ultimately, suffering is—at its heart—a separation from or betrayal by the love we’re promised, explicitly or otherwise. When pain is inflicted by someone who’s supposed to care for us, it feels like a deep betrayal. If it’s our bodies, thenwe’rethe betrayer, or maybe it’s our gods—after all, aren’t they supposed to love us? If a stranger hurts us, it’s a violation of a sacred social contract—an implicit agreement to look out for one another, to love thy neighbor. When someone breaks that contract? We feel it on a soul level.”
“Then what about the monsters under the bed? Surely that’s just—”
“A perceived loss of safety and security, which is another form of love, and the failure of a loved one who should’ve protected us.”
Her brow furrowed, and I could tell she was searching her mind for the loophole, but there wasn’t one. Not for this.
“People are made to love,” I said. “Humans and supernaturals alike. Anything that prevents or breaks that bond? Give it all the trappings you want, but that’s still theultimatefear.”
“Humans and supernaturals are made to love?” She gave me the saddest fucking look in the world. “But not you?”
I shook my head.
“Jax, come on. Ithasto be more complicated than that.”
“Does it?”
“Look, I don’t know the first thing about being a demon, so I’m not trying to, like, witchsplain you or anything. But—”
“Tell me your worst fear,” I said. “Dig deep.”
“I don’t have to dig—it’s easy. Screwing up this quest and losing my sisters to the Dark Goddess. If I don’t get Keradoc’s blood, she’ll… And I’ll… Oh, shit.” Haley blew out a breath, then rolled her eyes. “Okay, point made. I love my sisters. Ergo, love is the root of my fear of losing them. Let the gloating commence.”
“No gloating necessary. However, I will makeonesmall point of clarification…” I slipped a finger under her chin, tilting her face toward me once more. Her hair slipped loose from the knot, falling down her back and unleashing the scent of coconuts. “I know whattrulyfrightens you, angel, and it isn’t the thought of losing your sisters to Melantha.”
“It… isn’t?”
I brought my hand back to her breast, palming it, then squeezing, making her moan. Her eyelids fluttered closed as she leaned into my touch.
“You’ve been hiding it,” I said softly, her nipple hardening at my touch, “ever since we set foot in this realm.”
She shook her head, but didn’t deny it outright. Didn’t back away from me.
“You’ve been doing a damn good job keeping it under wraps from everyone else,” I said, “but you can’t hide it from me. One look into your eyes, and I seeeverythingthat haunts you.”
I slid my hand down past her abdomen, slowly parting her thighs and dipping between them.
She clutched my arms and sighed. When she spoke again, her voice was breathy and faint. “Don’t, Jax. Please don’t.”
“Don’t what? Touch you?” I pressed my palm to her clit, gliding over her hot flesh, teasing her entrance. “Don’t kiss you?” I brought my mouth to her ear, licking the edge, making her shudder. “Don’t make you shatter for me?” At that, I slid two fingers inside, pumping her slow and deep.
A soft whimper escaped her lips.
In a dark whisper, I breathed, “Or are you telling me to look into those gorgeous green eyes and pretend I don’t see the darkness lurking behind them?”
“Jax…” She tightened her grip on my arms, her mouth parted, cheeks darkening as I fucked her faster and deeper with my fingers.
“I’m telling you, angel. Inside you is an abyss so black, it could turn even the most fearsome monsters into smoke if you let it. But way down at the bottom of the well, a little voice is shouting at you to lock up all that darkness and throw away the key.”
“I… can’t. I’m… oh, fuck. You’re—”
“Yes, angel, I knowexactlywhat I am. And I know what you are too.” I palmed her clit again, pulsing my fingers inside her wet heat. “That little voice telling you to run and hide? To pretend you don’t feel the things you feel about me, about Saint, about this fucking place? To put on a smile and go back to being the sweet little sunshine girl that never admits how dark things truly get for her?”
