While humans were turned all the time, as well as the occasional fae, witches were not. Other than her sister Gray, who was allegedly some kind of crazy powerful witch from the prophecy, no witch had ever survived the change.
Jax must’ve sensed the fear spiking inside me. He grabbed my shirt again, his grip trembling, his voice deadly cold. “When was the last time you fed from her?”
My mind reeled. “I don’t… I don’t know. A few hours ago, maybe?”
“Maybe? Think, asshole. Fuckingthink.”
I closed my eyes, trying to remember. She’d been feeding me regularly ever since the slaughter at the facility, trying to keep my blood clean. Sometimes I was awake for it, other times barely present. But… I’d fed from her earlier tonight, hadn’t I? Before she’d left with Keradoc? Wait, was that tonight, or was it last night?
Fuck, all the time was blurring together, no sunlight to differentiate one night from the next, my brain still addled from all the drugs and the sickness that followed…
Damn it.
“I don’t know, Jax,” I said honestly, my voice barely a whisper. I opened my eyes and looked at her, still breathing, still with us, but that could change in a heartbeat. “I think it was a few hours ago?”
“Great.” He shoved me away, glaring at me with so much disgust and hatred, I didn’t know how he could fit it all in one eye. “So she’ll either wake up abloodsucker, or she won’t wake up at all because she’ll fuckingdie. Not liking the odds here, asshole.”
“She’s not going to die.”
“You don’t know that. Youcan’tknow that.” He turned away from me, shoving a hand through his hair, his cold composure unraveling. “For fuck’s sake, Saint. You put her life at risk.”
“I know. I fucking know! Hudson just showed up here and there was so much blood and she was in pain and I… I didn’t think. I just—”
“That’s the point! You didn’t think. Youdon’tthink. All you do is react. And most of the time you’re too fucking stoned to even do that. I can’tbelieveyou gave her your blood. How could you even… How did… Fuck, Saint. Fuck! I’m telling yourightnow, and hear me good. If Haley dies tonight—”
“Shewon’t,” I seethed, glaring right back at him. “You would’ve done the same thing in my position, and you fucking know it. So you can hate me all you want, Jax, but if you say another word about my girl dying, it’ll beyourass in the moat. We clear?”
“Clear? Are you serious right now? I’m… Wait, what am I saying?” Laughter burst from his lips, high and hysterical. “Ofcourseyou’re not serious. You’re probably fucking high again, aren’t you?” He stepped to me once more, his face looming close, that eye boring right through my damn soul. In a voice so calm it scared the hell out of me, he said, “Tell me you’re fucking high right now, Saint. Tell me. Because if you are, and you just fed her a batch of blood tainted with Devil’s Dream, I swear to every demon and devil in hell I will decapitate you and set your ass on fire where you stand.”
“I’m. Not. High,” I said, my jaw clenched so tight my teeth ached. “I haven’t touched a single pill since the night at the facility.”
“You sure about that?”
I shoved him away. “As sure as I’m about to tear out your throat and leave you bleeding to death on this floor.”
“Oh, you’d love that, wouldn’t you. Selfish fucking asshole. I bet you’re just counting down the days, waiting for the right moment to take me out. Well, why keep me in suspense? I’ll make it real easy on you. Take your fucking shot.” He tore open the top of his shirt, baring his jugular. “Yours for the taking, asshole. Do it. Fucking do it! Oh, what’s that? You can’t kill me yet, because you need me to keep cleaning up your messes? Right. Of course. That’s what I’m good for, after all. That’s why you dragged me out of Midnight in the first place, right? You couldn’t stand the idea I might actually be happy with Oona. That you wouldn’t have your demon bitch-boy to keep following you around, wiping your ass, dealing your drugs, picking up the pieces of all the lives you fucking shatter every time you pop another pill. And for what, Saint? All those pills, all that fucking ruin, and for what?”
His voice broke on the last word, his whole body shaking with rage, and that eye—that fucking eye drilling through my skull like he believed if he just went far enough, deep enough, he might find all the answers.
For a long, intense moment, neither of us spoke. Haley was still passed out, her soft breathing the only sound in the room as Jax and I continued to stare each other down. Tension crackled in the air between us, the room so thick with it I was certain if anyone struck a match, we’d all blow up.
Then, I took another step closer. One more, until we were nose to nose again, and I was staring into the gaping maw of his eye socket—yet another injury I’d caused.
“You know why I took those pills?” I said softly, my trembling breath stirring the hair flopping over his forehead. “You know why I keep dancing with the very devil that’sliterallykilling me, no matter how badly I want to give it up? Because that devil is the only thing keeping my fucking heart fromexplodingevery time I’m in the same room as Haley. Every time I see the way she looks at you and Hudson. I loved her, Jax. I fuckinglovedher—the kind of love you don’t even get to read about in the fairy tale books because it doesn’t fucking exist.That’show rare and special it was. I loved her like that, and I never stopped. Not for one night. Istilllove…” I shook my head, the words turning to dust in my mouth. “You think I dragged you out of Midnight last time because I was jealous of what you had with Oona? Because I needed a warm body to push my drugs and work behind my bar? To clean up my messes? Fuck you, Jax.”
I shoved him again, so hard this time he stumbled back and hit the wall, but I wasn’t done yet. Not even when the tears fell hot on my cheeks, not even when my heart ached to say all the words out loud, not even when I thought admitting it all might be the thing that finally killed me.
“Fuck.You,” I continued. “I took you with me because I couldn’t fuckingstandthe thought of losing another brother. And youaremy brother, you asshole, in every way that counts, yet somehow I’ve lost you anyway, and here we are in this shithole realm, right back where we started, and I keep on making the same damn mistakes I always do, and everything around me is falling apart and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. So you wanna judge me? You wanna look at me like I’m the monster who ruined your life and the fuckup who destroys everything and everyone he touches? Like I’m some junkie who doesn’t give a fuck about anything but his next fix? Like you wish Keradoc would fucking execute me already? Do me a favor and spare me the one-eyed glower, Jax. Just pick up a sword and chop off my head. Set me on fire and throw my burning corpse to the ghouls, if that’s truly what you want. Put me out of my fucking miseryrightnow, once and for all, because I cannottake another minute of existing in this pathetic, wasted life in a place where the woman I woulddiefor a hundred times over shares her bed with a demon who would rather see me in a pile of ashes than admit he still gives a single fuck about me or tell me he’s got my back, come what may. And no, I don’t deserve your loyalty or your brotherhood or your pity. I don’t even deserve a quick death. But this is how I feel, Jax. Every word is true—maybe one of the few times you’ll ever hear it from me—so take it as you will or end it. Fucking end it.”
For once, Jax said nothing. Didn’t move away from the wall. Didn’t even breathe.
But I’d ignited something fierce inside him, some new rage that surged through him in silence. I could smell it in his blood, and his whole body hummed with it, like a bowstring just plucked, its arrow mere seconds from shredding a soft heart.
He finally opened his mouth to speak.
And I opened mine to accept whatever sentence he’d hand down.
But one word, one soft voice doused the rage in us both, blowing all the tension and ire from the room like the gentlest spring breeze.
