For all her inappropriate groping, Ms. Deveroux has nothing to offer in return but the idle gossip of a woman scorned.
Damn it.
“Anyway,” the old woman says, returning to her ball-grazing with renewed vigor. “It all worked out for the best. Now I’m sexy, single, and ready to—”
“Don’t… finish that sentence.” I press a fingertip to her lips and offer an apologetic smile, trying not to sigh in relief as Jude slides into the pew on her other side.
Thank the fucking devil.
Time to cut my losses, extricate myself from this relentless fondling, and find a new target. Preferably a younger one who’s—what’s the saying? Sexy, single, and ready to help a brazen fae drown his sorrows in pussy?
“I’m terribly sorry, Ms. Deveroux. This is a bit embarrassing, but my…” I glance at Jude, searching for an excuse. “My doctor! Yes, my doctor has just arrived with the results of my STD screening. It’s never good news when they deliver the news in person, is it?”
Jude doesn’t miss a beat. “We haven’t seen a rash like that in decades. I’m surprised you can still piss standing up.”
And just like that, the lust dims from her eyes and—with little more than a rushed excuse about seeing a long-lost University of Colorado alumnus across the aisle—she’s gone.
“I could fucking kiss you.” I grab Jude’s face and give him a good shake.
He shoves me away. “Not with that rash, you don’t.”
“I swear that woman was about fifteen seconds from laying her head in my lap and going to town.”
“I hope she was planning to remove the dentures first.There’sa lesson you don’t want to learn more than once.”
“I… I don’t even know what to say to that, so I’ll just thank you for the save and move on.”
“Don’t thank me, mate. Had I known you were about to be gummed in church, I’d have left the old broad to it. God’s work, that.” He turns away from me and sighs, his knee bouncing. “I’m going stir crazy in here, Augs. I don’t favor cathedrals. They make me feel like a sinner.”
“Youarea sinner.”
He glares. “Yeah, and I don’t need a bunch of saints and statues to rub my nose in it, do I?”
“Still in a mood, I see.”
“Worse now.”
“Let me guess. You asked a bridesmaid to meet you in the men’s room for a quickie? How long were you waiting before you realized she stood you up?”
“You see any bridesmaids around here, arsehole?”
“I just assumed they were all in hiding, avoiding your advances. Oh! I hear Ms. Deveroux is on the prowl. Would you like me to make an introduction?”
“Not bloody likely.” Jude grabs the knot of his tie and yanks it loose. “I fucking hate weddings too, you know? Same as cathedrals. All designed to make the rest of us feel like shit.”
“You hateeverythingwhen you’re not getting laid.”
“Isn’t that the whole point of a wedding? I’m not here for the cake and family reunions. In fact, I really shouldn’t be here at all.” He flips a small object back and forth across his knuckles—some sort of ring. Probably one of his creepy creations.
“Aren’t you supposed to be looking out for Drae?”
“He’s worried over nothing. I’ve already worked my way through half the crowd—just a bunch of stuck-up spellcasters who can’t be bothered to give anyone else the time. They’re not here to cause trouble tonight. All they care about is making an appearance.” He shakes his head, then slides the ring onto his pinky and stands. “Tell Drae I had to run out. I’ll see you at home later.”
“Run outwhere, exactly?”
“Brooklyn.” He smacks me on the cheek twice and flashes his crazy grin—the one that says he’s about to stir up some shit and there’s nothing we can do to stop him. “Don’t wait up, love.”
“I don’t plan on it, dickhead,” I reply, but fucking Jude’s already gone.
