“And there’s my little psycho, back after a brief hiatus.” Jude cracks up, then sweeps me into his arms with a devastating kiss I feel all the way down to my toes. “I fuckingloveyou, darling.”
“Well that’s good to know, because I fucking love you, too. All of you.” I pull out of his embrace, a wicked grin stretching across my lips as my new plan finally takes shape. “Okay, boys. Enough with the chivalry. Time to head down to the workshop and commit a violent felony, family style.”
Chapter Thirty
JUDE
Detective Grant Reedsy kneels on the floor of my workshop, wrists bound behind his back with the strap of his department-issued holster.
Terror is a sweet, delicious perfume in the air, and I can’t help myself.
I’m downrightbrimmingwith anticipation.
“Admit it,” I say, walking a slow circle around him as I swing my trusty crowbar. “You missed us, Detective.”
He glares up at me, but the effect is somewhat lessened on account of the fact that one of his eyes is swollen shut—Draegan’s doing this time, not mine.
“Sorry, did you want to say something?” I ask.
Bastard doesn’t say anything, of course—hasn’t managed a single peep since we all trundled down the stairs earlier, hollering and whooping, ushering in the world’s loudest wake-up call.
“Shy tonight, huh?” I purse my lips. “You poor thing. Totally understandable. You’ve never seen us in our true forms, and that can be pretty scary for a first-timer.” I flash him a grin full of fangs and menace, wings rippling behind me. “Something tells me you weren’t betting on seeing our girl again either, so that’s gotta be a shock to the system too, right?”
Oh, the glaring. Oh, the anger. Oh, the unfairness of it all.
Ha! What a fucking joke.
“I get it, the whole suffering-in-silence bit,” I say. “It’s a lot to take in.We’rea lot to take in. But there comes a time in every man’s life where he just has to start accepting reality. So… cue the gameshow announcer… Detective Grant Reedsy, welcome toyours!” I sweep my hand across the small space, indicating the group standing around him. “Four crazy gargoyles and one badass witch, not a bloody clue which one of us will have the ultimate pleasure of separating your head from your body, but hey. A bit of mystery keeps the romance alive, doesn’t it?”
There’s a series of loud squawks from above, and I glance up at the highest shelf and wave to our live studio audience.
Nestled in among the bleached bones of more enemies than I care to count, Lucinda, Huxley, and Jean-Pierre watch over the proceedings with great interest, though to be fair, they’re probably wondering which one of us brought snacks.
“Now, in most cases,” I continue, nudging Reedsy’s chest with my crowbar, “I’m the Chief Executive Dismemberer around here, and trust me when I say it would be my great honor to smear you from existence tonight. It’d be a great honor for you, too, come to think of it. I’m considering retiring after this—got me a girl now. Yep, you’re looking at a regular family man right here. Going domestic, as they say.”
“What’s… what’s stopping you from retiring now?” he blubbers, the first words out of his big, dumb mouth.
“Oh, I don’t know.” I let out a dramatic sigh, stroking the crowbar as I wax poetic. “Perhaps it’s because you’ve made it your life’s mission to dog me and my brothers over crimes we didn’t actually commit. Then again, maybe it’s because I don’t like your haircut or your beady little eyes. Or maybe it’s—oh, wait! I remember now!” I get in his face with a snarl, a fucking animal barely leashed, all the jokes and pleasantries evaporating. “You and your mage friends tried todestroythe woman I love. So you can skip town all you want, cross the fucking continent on foot for all I care, but I always knew I’d have you right back here one day, and here you fucking are. Why? Becausenoone walks away from hurting my girl, you worthless piece of shit.”
I bring the crowbar down on his shoulder, knocking it right out of the socket.
He wails. Moans. Wails again.
Drool runs down his chin. “I… I was just… f-f-following—”
“Following orders, yeah, I know. And now you get to follow the rest of the shadow magic bastards straight to hell. Should be pretty easy for you to find the way, too—just listen for the tormented screams. Oh! And I hear there’s a whole batch of new demons down there,realpissed off and looking for a bit of fresh meat.”
“P-p-please,” he stammers.
“Say goodnight, Detective Dickhole.” I lift the crowbar, more than ready to feel the unmistakable crack of a bashed-in skull.
But a soft touch on my arm steadies my swing.
“Um, Jude?” Westlyn says.
I glance down at her, and my sweet girl rewards me with a flash of that lovely smile of hers.
“Yes, darling?”
