Setting the magical mood, I put on some Stevie Nicks, light a black pillar candle, and dig out some clear quartz crystals to amplify my spellwork.
“There has to be something here.” I flip through one of my handwritten notebooks, noting a few potential ideas. From between its worn pages, a Tarot card slips free.
Yeah. Him again.
“You must bereallyinto me.” I set aside the book and pluck the Devil from the countertop. “You can’t even stay away for more than five minutes.”
Ignoring the tingling heat in my fingertips, which is almost definitely probablyverylikely the alcohol, I prop the card against the black candle and get back to my spreadsheets. Goddess, these spells are a mess. I know I don’t use them much, but still. That’s no excuse for poor organization. Digital files are just as important as paper ones, and they deserve the same level of care and attention as the most delicate pages in an ancient grimoire.
Maybe that’s why my life is in a shambles. The Universe knows I’m unfit for adulting. And budgeting. And magicking. Holding my liquor should probably go on that list too, but that’s another spreadsheet for another day.
“Stay focused and keep it simple,” I remind my Virgo brain, Chief Executive Overcomplicater. “Right, boys?”
Grumpy and Sunshine leap up onto the counter, pawing and nosing at the laptop—Mama’s little helpers.
“Spell to Unlock Your Heart’s Desire? Good call, Sunshine. Definitely sounds promising.” I copy it into a new spreadsheet—the keepers file. “Or maybe this one—Go Forth and Prosper. If I combine that with a Road Opening spell to increase opportunities and—ooh, here we go. Abundantly Yours. Wait, this one has potential too—Bound and Determined. I’m determined, right Grumpy?”
The tabby, currently licking his privates, ignores me.
No judgments here, dude. Would if I could.
By the time I finish sorting and organizing, I’m down to seven potential spells. There’s a lot of overlap, so I cut and paste a few sections from each into a new spreadsheet, filtering first by desired outcome, then by ingredient. But it’s still too clunky to use, especially in my current somewhat inebriated state.
“Pivot table to the rescue.” I get to work populating the table, arranging everything into rows and columns, muttering pieces of the spells as I’m copying them over.
For every lock, there is a key…
Copy, paste.
The heart’s true desire lies hidden within…
The candle flame flickers. Yes! I’msoon the right track.
The road ahead is open, opportunity awaits…
Another flicker. My heart skips, excitement welling inside.
Powerful allies, hidden and true…
Bring it on!
Magic and will, returned by three…
This is going to be epic!
And thus we are bound, so mote it be…
With a sharp hiss, Sunshine darts across the counter. I look up from the laptop just in time to see the candle topple, black wax spilling, the Devil card caught in the crossfire. I reach for the card, but before I can save it, it ignites in a burst of blue flame so bright it hurts to look at.
The flame fizzles out quickly. When my vision finally returns to normal, I realize the Devil is gone. The cats are gone, too. Stevie has stopped singing. The fire in the hearth is nothing but embers.
Something is very, very wrong.
“Sunshine?” I whisper, goosebumps prickling my arms. “Grumpy-butt?”
No response. No sound at all but for the pounding of my own heart.
I’ve barely taken my next breath when a blast of powerful magic whisks through the room, surrounding me in a smoky tempest that claws at my hair and steals my breath. Without another thought, I dive beneath the counter and cover my head.
