The yacht bobbed on the waves as I sat there, hands in my lap, wondering if maybe…maybe he couldn’t tell right from wrong. Maybe he lived in a fantasy in his own mind.
"Besides the obvious reasons of why this is twisted—like killing my boyfriend,” I said the words and ripped my heart open again. It felt good. It felt free—to hurt myself by saying it out loud. “Why would you want to marry me if you’re fucking random women next to my room? Why do you want me so much if you actually hate me?”
Xavier tilted his head, looking me over with curiosity. "You heard that last night?" he asked, surprised that I had ears. The loud moans and the woman's fake orgasms were heard throughout his tasteless mansion.
But I didn’t indulge him with an answer; I only wanted to know one thing. "What did you do with Alex's body?" I only wanted to know about him. To pronounce his name again. "Did you b-bury him? Does he have a grave?"
Xavier sighed and rolled his eyes, like I waspesteringhim. “Again with that Alex, Jade! Just fucking let it go! He rotted away in that motel room. Happy?” The words hit me harder thana blade. “I paid for the room and for the cleaner to never come in. His body was probably found when it started to stink."
He threw the words out there—carelessly, like he was discussing a squashed bug and not the brutal death of the love of my life. My eyes tingled with tears that I no longer had, and then, without warning, it all came up. The entire breakfast that he had force-fed me—it all spilled out of me and onto Xavier and the ring.
"Merde," Xavier whispered, not the least bit fazed. "I'm taking you to a hospital; this is crazy." He stood up and shook off my vomit, walking away.
Leaving me to decompose.
Just like Alex's body.
Part II
THREE MONTHS LATER
42
A Man In Love Loves
Jade
The little flame flickered in my peripheral vision. It was a warm evening, and my dress stuck to me in the heat—Xavier’s choice. Because everything was his choice now. He imprisoned me and dictated the rules—what to wear: only what he bought for me. Where to go: not the store, not the beach, not for a drive—nowhere alone. Everything was a no. No choice, no power, no life.
Nobody would kidnap me ever again and set me free.
He picked my shoes too. I wiggled my toes in the uncomfortable heels, but the pain didn’t matter; I was nauseous anyway.
It had been two months since I last vomited. Two months since Xavier proposed and then forced the ring on my finger, and almost three months since Alex died.
Alex. Died.My Alex.
There was no getting over this. No way to dull the pain or lessen the guilt.
My father and Xavier sat in front of me, smoking cigars. They were deep in conversation, but I couldn’t hear them. There was only one voice in my head.
He haunted my dreams. He haunted my days and nights. Everything was the same—the world kept turning, but without him.
The birds still sang their songs, and the ocean still ebbed and flowed.
But without him.
"...pick your dress? Would you like that?" I turned my head to the voice, noticing my father’s happy eyes on me. "Let's all go together. We can pick a wedding dress for you, Jady. How about next week? Saturday."
Saturday. Depending on where the store was, I could escape and run to the ocean. I could jump in and justswim.I was a strong swimmer—I could swim far. And then I could just let go. Just let go…and be with him again.
It was on my mind all the time. I wanted to die. A black hole pulled me in, and uncontrollable rage drowned me, but on the outside, I was just regular Jade.
A zombie walking through life—just like before.
Instead of an answer, I rose from my chair and walked inside the house. Maybe I’d be able to raid Xavier’s bathroom. Maybe I’d be able to find a razor sharp enough.
I schlepped up the stairs of his monstrous and ugly house, and right before I stepped into my room, his filthy fingers closed around my wrist.
