Jade sniffled too, and there was nothing we could say to each other. We both felt the same way.
Slowly, hesitantly, I led her to the master ensuite and turned on the shower. Jade couldn’t open her eyes. She sighed as I slid the dress off her body, and she tugged the shirt off my back.
Just like that, under the hot shower, I took my Jade into my arms, and our bodies touched once more, both broken.
She had lost a lot of weight. She felt so dainty, so…brittlein my arms. I ran my hands up and down her back, scraping my fingers over her shoulder blades, feeling the sharp edges of her spine. Her shoulders—previously perfectly round and supple—were now bony and pointy.
It didn’t matter how she looked—it only mattered if she was happy with it, but the reason for this change was sinister.
"Have you not been eating, Malyshka?" I whispered into her ear.
Under the running water, I closed my eyes, feeling free to ask.
“No.” She shook her head, refusing to look me in the eyes. “I couldn’t. Not after…”
"I'm so sorry I didn't come earlier. I'm so sorry you ha—"
"Are you crazy?!" Jade shot her eyes open, her whisper bouncing off the walls. "You're alive! That's the biggest gift I could ever receive from life, Alex! I could’ve waited my entire life for you if I had to!" Her wet eyes found mine, lingering a short moment on the scar right beneath.
But instead of letting her inspect all my scars, Ihuggedher. Simply enveloped her, allowing her the time and space to let go of all her tears.
And mine, too.
That’s what helped.Her—that’s what was healing me. She mended every scar that marked me, both inside and out.
Like fog, steam crept in all around us, obscuring my silent tears and muting Jade's sobs. I cradled her body and soul. My lips made a slow trail down her long neck, over her emaciated chest and collarbone, and her lips touched the scars on my face and shoulders, soothing the pain.
We swayed with each other under the scorching hot water, washing away Xavier's blood, our tears, and all the agony of the last months.
Time had no meaning. My whole life was a mere spark compared to the raging fire that every second was with her.
Jade was a dream, and I stayed alive so I could never wake up.
49
Were We Still Us?
Jade
The vanity was freezing beneath my thighs, but the whole bathroom was enveloped in warm steam. Facing away from the mirror, I sat wrapped in a towel and watched Alex rummage underneath the sink. A white towel hung low on his hips, but that’s not what I couldn’t stop looking at.
There were scars—all over his body. He’d lost so much weight that his ribs protruded through his skin.
He was alive, but barely.
I swallowed the fresh set of tears, having just dried my cheeks, and refocused on the box of Band-Aids in his hands. He moved slowly, standing right in front of me, his towel almost brushing my knees.
“Does it hurt?” Alex asked, ripping open an alcohol swab that looked miniature in his large fingers. I looked down at the tiny cut on my knee, laughing through my sadness.
He was so worried about my scratch when all of him had to be pieced back together. I shook my head, letting my wet hair fall down my shoulders and chest.
Tenderly, he placed the alcohol swab on my skin, holding it there for a mere second.
I’d forgotten how gentle he could be. I’dforgottenhow careful he always was. The Band-Aid, too—he stuck it to my skin, pressing on it with reverence.
“Alex…” My voice shook, but his attention was on me at once. “Is something wrong with me?” I rasped, afraid of my own question. Alex’s eyes blazed up in worry at once, and I gulped, hurrying the explanation. “I…I don’t feel any guilt. For what I just did.”
Bloodied Xavier floated to the top of my mind again; the wordrapistcarved in his flesh. Alex had good handwriting.
