He’d tell me I was overreacting and a man like Xavier would—ofcourse—be protective of a gem like me.That's what made him a man!A man must be the head, must be the one making the decisions about his woman. How I dressed, where I went, and who my friends were. A woman isn't capable of thinking for herself.How can you not realize that, Jade?!
And I stayed. Thinking that maybe…maybe I was just overreacting. Maybe…maybe I just wasn’t experienced enough? Maybe this is what love was like?
It started off slow—Xavier just eased me into it.
I just want what’s best for you. Don’t overreact.
He’d shout every once in a while. He’d tell me that Icould never do anything right. Where’s your head, Jade, hm?
Then he went further and started calling me names. I was crazy. I was stupid and stubborn. I wastoo much.
It was all just in private, but one night he said something in front of his friends.Yeah, no one can deal with her fucking antics the way I can.
And that was how he took me to another level. That evening, he pinched me—right on the inner part of my arm. It hurt so much! But he chuckled in my face and said,Relax, I’m just playing.
Instead of embracing me in a hug, he started yanking me to him, the action rough and uncaring. Then it was sex when I didn’t want it.Nowasn’t an acceptable answer to him. He wasn’t violent, he was manipulative, persistent, and always guilt-tripping me.
That’s when I started distancing myself. I felt it—something was wrong. It shouldn’t be like that. It shouldn’t hurt to be with someone. But like the conniving little piece of shit that Xavier was, he ran to my father, and together, they formed a consolidated front.
Don’t toss out a good thing over a few disagreements,my father said at dinner one night.Did you do anything to provoke him? Is there a reason why you pushed him to the edge?
I was blind, unable to see how the blame was shifted to me—I could only feel it and knew that it wasn’t right. It was like living on the edge of a knife.
But I stayed.
Until one night, it finally took a dark turn. I caught it out of the corner of my eye—the way his arm swung back and then into me, his large palm clipping me right in the face.
The pain was searing—like being thrown into a bed of nails. It consumed every part of me, and as I stood there, trying to catch my breath and understand what had just happened, Xavier dropped to his knees.
I’m so sorry, Jade! I-I—it was an accident, baby! I’m so sorry! I love you so much! So much!
I gasped while standing at the kitchen counter, disoriented and shocked.
You’re the love of my life.
I just had a moment of blindness.
And I stayed.
So he took it further. Xavier smashed my face into a wall—a moment that really squashed me. It was a Saturday evening and we argued about something. Something stupid and silly, but to him, it was enough to deliver a bruise I couldn’t cover up.
The next week, he manipulated me into sex with him, and he hurt me again, this time in bed. His palm left red marks on my butt cheeks while I tried to get away.Look at you—acting all innocent now. Don’t pretend you’re not loving it.
I wasn’t.
I wasbegging.Begging him to stop! But he didn’t.
And I stillstayed.
I stayed through the bruises that became more frequent. Through the hair pulling, the pinching, the pushing. And I listened to him every time he fell to his knees and pleaded with tears in his eyes. I listened when he said he’d made a mistake and that it was the last time. I still gave him my time and listened to his lies that I was the love of his life.
I couldn’t sleep well anymore so one night when I lay awake and stared at the ceiling, a strong premonition overcame me—if I didn’t leave him, I would die. But not right away, no. I’d die painfully and slowly.
So in the morning, with a shaking voice and trembling hands, I confronted my dad and told him everything. All the incidents, all the humiliation, the insults, the put-downs, the name-calling. The physical abuse.
My father listened silently while I paced his office and spilled my soul. He didn’t interrupt; he let me get it all out, and then, when he was sure I told him everything, he broke my heart more than anything Xavier could have ever done to me.
He asked me to sit down and started off from afar, telling me that when a woman is with a man, she has a responsibility to be there for him. A duty to be his peace and calm within the chaos. She has a mission—to support the man the way he supports her.
