The way she said that made me ache.I knew that my relationship with Agatha was a sore spot but I never could’ve imagined it had created such feelings of inferiority in Faye.
It was my fault.I was the one who had been blinded by attraction and had fallen for Agatha’s smooth words and romantic declarations.It wouldn’t be right to say I regretted everything about our relationship but I certainly wish I’d done some things differently.
I should never have lost myself in the relationship and I shouldn’t have let my friendship with Faye fall to the wayside.
This time around, I would make sure not to make the same mistakes.This time, I would make sure I didn’t lose Faye.
Somehow.
I reached up to her hand but changed my mind before we could touch."Is this about Agatha?”
“Youdidget engaged.”
“What Agatha and I had is in the past."
"But I'm also your past.We have so much history together.More history even," Faye said softly, her gaze set on something far away.
“Our history is different.”
“Not that different.Do you know you were actually my first crush?"
Surprise sparked up in me."What?What do you mean?"
"Are you really shocked?We got play-married, remember?Do I seem like the type who would play-marry just anyone?"
The memory should've made me smile but it didn't."We had dish towel veils and Betty was our officiant."
"It was only a child-crush."Faye glanced at me, the conflicting feelings written on her face."But I caught real feelings when we were teenagers."
The tightness in my chest got worse.
"So it was true what everyone said," I realised, thinking back to how our time at school and how people assumed we were a couple.It was always Faye who adamantly denied it so I never had any reason to think there was any truth to it.
And yet, this revelation didn't come as a total surprise.Maybe because there were plenty of people back then who had been convinced Faye had feelings for me.Like Agatha.
So she was right after all, as frustrating as it was.
"You never said anything," I said, my voice coming out a little hoarser."Why?"
Faye let out a choked chuckle."Why?I didn't want to mess up our friendship, not when I wasn't entirely sure about my feelings or yours.Back then, I thought I was someone special to you so I assumed we'd have time to figure it out.But then?—"
"Agatha swooped in."Her name tasted bitter in my mouth.Or maybe it was the memories of our time together.
"Yeah...Confident Agatha who always knew exactly what and who she wanted.There was no song or dance with her.She wantedyouand she made no secret about it."Faye's hands tightened around the chain of the swing."She was bold and brave and I was a coward so I hid my feelings and just tried to get over you.I thought I did a good job until you returned to the Cobblestones, single, and all those old feelings came back as if they'd never left."
A spark of lightness rose up in my stomach."And I'm glad it did.I'm not going to lie, coming back to the Cobblestones felt like a defeat but that was until I realised all my favourite things are here.Gran, Betty, the coffee house...You."
Faye's mouth tugged up into a hint of a smile but she didn't say anything.
"I should never have left the Cobblestones," I added, leaning my head back until it was resting against Faye's stomach.There was a moment of tenseness before I could feel her relax against me."The capital was always Aga's dream.She wanted a high-powered career and a fancy life.For a while, she actually made me believe I wanted that too."
"But you don't?"
"No.I wanted to be her perfect girlfriend so we could be a power couple, just like she always talked about it."Disappointment pooled in my stomach, mixing with all the other emotions there."You know what my mother is like.I could never do anything right in her eyes.Agatha made me feel like I was special and I wanted to believe her, even if it wasn't true."
Faye let out a strange noise."Youarespecial."
I could tell she meant it too and in a different way than how Agatha saw me.She always talked about potential and she had so many expectations.For the longest of times, I did what I could to meet them even if it meant contorting myself until I was all twisted and knotted up.
