"I didn't know how you felt," he says."Or if you were in a place to hear it.You never talked about courting anyone.I know that you said that you've slept with a couple of people, but I had no idea about any of that."
"They were both after you left," I respond."I was...trying to work out how I felt about it."
"You never mentioned it in your letters either."
I frown."I don't have an explanation for that.I thought that telling you might be strange.We never talked about anything like that.You never told me if you were courting anyone either."
"I haven't," Nate responds."There wasn't much time for anyone else when I was baking with you every night."
"Oh."I look away.
"No, Evie, I didn't mean it like that."He takes hold of my other hand, so now both of mine are in his."I love baking with you.I've always loved it.The thought of saying no to you in order to spend time with someone else never felt right to me.It wasn't something I wanted to give up for anyone else."
"Maybe you missed out..."
"I didn't miss anything, Evie."
I look at him, seeing how intently he's looking at me and believing what he's saying."What happens now?"I ask.
"Well, it's late.So I suspect we say goodnight and head to bed.Then tomorrow, we'll do everything as normal.You'll come down to bake."
"Am I allowed to kiss you again tomorrow?"I ask.
He chuckles."You can kiss me as much as you want to," he promises.
"Even in the kitchen?"
"It's a bit late if we're not going to kiss there," he points out.
"True.And luckily, there isn't an event tomorrow.I only have dinner with my family.I don't think Mama will make me stay too late at that."
"I thought you already had rules for when you could leave events in place?"he asks.
I grimace."Mama has changed them.She's not happy with me for leaving the feast during dessert."
"In fairness, I don't think I've ever known you to leave a feast during dessert."
"I won't be able to do it at all until after the Gaullessians leave.I have to stay to the end of every event."I close my eyes and take a deep breath."And I have to have a ball for my birthday.I don't want to have a ball."I don't add that the ball has to involve suitors.I'm not entirely sure how to tell him that even though I want to.
"Can you tell the Queen that you don't want one?"
"I did.But she insisted.I would much rather spend the day in the kitchen with you."
"You'd rather spend every day in the kitchen, Evie," he reminds me."But I promise that I'll be there waiting for you when the ball is done."
My heart aches even at the idea of that.Mama is expecting me to dance with suitors and visiting nobles, while Nate will be waiting in the kitchen.I can't bring myself to say any of that out loud, even if I know that I need to tell him.
"I could teach you to make a slagroomtaart," he says."They're traditional in Wafeland for birthdays, and you've said you're interested in making one some time."
"Maybe."
He nods."We can talk about it later.But now I should let you get some sleep."He reaches out and brushes some hair away from my face."I love you, Evie."
"I love you too, Nate."The moment the words leave me I feel so much better.As much as I don't want to deal with the restrictions Mama has set for me, it's worth it.
I lean in and press my lips against his, kissing him softly and enjoying the new discovery that's kissing someone I love.It makes me feel warm inside, like everything is well in the world and there isn't a single noise or discomfort breaking through.And I want more of it.
So much more.
