No one said anything, but my father exhaled. Allegra squeezed my knee through my tulle skirt. I couldn’t look at her. I was too busy trying to compose myself. What was wrong with me? Why was I disappointed that it wasn’t my unhinged, bodyguard-murdering stalker? Ridiculous. It was decided. I would find myself a therapist once I was married. But right now, I needed to find that serene bride, the one under the veil of illusion who knows this is for the best.
Marry Callum. Forget Santino.
I caught my reflection in the window once more and forced a smile. Yet, beneath the lace and silk, my heart was racing as if it were about to do something terribly, irrevocably wrong.
The small chapel away from the city fit the purpose. It was discreet and pretty, nothing too grand. I’d never wanted a big, flashy wedding anyway. As soon as we stepped inside, the old, musty smell of wood and books, beneath a subtle floral scent, hit my nose, and nerves rushed through me. Shit. I was getting married.
I turned to look at Allegra, my eyes wide and my lips parted. She pressed her lips together in a thin line, as if the realisation had only just dawned on me, and it must have seemed rather comical to her. I’d kept myself so busy planning everything that I didn’t have time to think about what would happen after we said our vows. Marriage. Lifelong commitment. My name would change. I’d be Arianna D'Ardenzi.
Holy fucking shit.
“The Uber is out the back,” Allegra joked. At least, I thought she was joking. I could never be too sure with her.
“Here’s the bouquet,” mypapisaid, interrupting us as he strolled over with beautifully arranged lilies, roses, and baby’s breath. I took it with trembling hands and closed my eyes, inhaling the musky air to get my shit together.
“I’ll let the priest know we’ve arrived,”Papisaid, stepping away again. I opened my eyes and glanced down at the flowers in my hand. A card was nestled among the petals, and I frowned, plucking it out with two fingers, expecting only the florist’s logo, not the handwriting I recognised instantly.
My knees buckled, but I managed to stay upright as I read the words.
Marry him,Bella Ribelle,and you’ll be a widow before midnight.
Take a moment. Think. Breathe. Then do the right thing.
Come and find me.
For half a second, my brain refused to acknowledge the words. Then they slammed into me so hard I couldn’t draw a breath.
“What is it?” Allegra asked, but I was already stumbling backwards and away from the doors that opened onto an aisle. “Aria?” Allegra grabbed my shoulders as I pressed the card against my thigh, hiding it in the tulle. “Are you okay? You really do look like you’re about to faint.”
“I—” Why couldn’t I swallow? My throat was closing up. He was threatening Callum’s life. “I–I need a minute.”
“Okay,” she said just as mypapicame back into view, his face creasing with concern when he saw me.
“What’s wrong?”
“I—” What the fuck did I say? I couldn’t thinkstraight. I needed space to breathe. To think. “I need to take confession.”
Mypapiblinked at me. I was baptised Catholic like him, but I had never been a devout churchgoer. But the sudden urge to confess my sins was strong. To talk to someone who wouldn’t judge. Perhaps if I confessed, I’d know what the hell to do next.
“Okay,” he nodded, pointing to the door on our left by the exit. “The confessional is through there. We’ll wait here for you.”
I pushed my way into the private room, where the free-standing dark-stained chestnut booth stood in the middle. I chose the left compartment and dropped to my knees, my skirt spreading around me and barely fitting in the cubicle. The smell of dust and incense was even stronger here, a reminder that so many before me had spilled their secrets in the hope of absolution.
The click of the lock outside, followed by the heavy footsteps of the priest, told me he’d entered his chamber. The door closed with a solid bang, signalling he was ready to listen.
Placing my hands over my corseted stomach, I stared down at the bouquet.
“Forgive me, Father,” I exhaled, then continued. “For I have sinned.”
When there was no response, only the subtle sound of someone breathing on the other side of the closed lattice screen, I pressed on while I still had the courage.
“I don’t know how long it’s been since my last confession. A while.” My fingers twisted together. “I’m about to get married. And…” I drew a sharp breath. “I feel sick.”
More silence. But I’d started, and there was suddenly no stopping me. “I don’t love him. The man I’m about to marry. But I chose to do this because it was the safest option for everyone. For me. For mypapi.And because… it was meant to end things… with another man.” The words scraped out of my throat. “Someone I shouldn’t want. Someone I should be afraid of. He’s a bad man, Father, and I think about him when I shouldn’t. All the time, even knowing what I know about him. He’s done awful things, and yet I still have… unholy thoughts about him.”
The priest cleared his throat, and I closed my eyes, my cheeks flaming.
“I don’t know what to do. I think there is something wrong with me.”
