Tobias is up out of his chair in the blink of an eye, stepping around me to close the door before walking down the line of windows offering a view of the shop outside, dropping a blind over each one. When he’s done, he turns to me, approaching slowly then lifting his hands to gently remove the earmuffs from my head.
The way he looks at me is so focused. The way he touches me is so careful. It’s a lot to process, and mixes up everything happening in my head. Now I can’t tell if I’m still feeling old fear or new excitement. Probably a little of both.
“I think now is a good time for us to get something straight.” Tobias tosses the earmuffs out of sight, his eyes never leaving mine. “You can yell at me anytime you want about anything you want. Okay?”
That doesn’t seem like it would be okay.
“I mean it.” Tobias shakes his head. “I’m never going to be upset about it.” His lips lift on one side. “I actually kinda like it.”
That has my brows rising. “You like when I yell at you?”
“I do.” Tobias gently pushes my hair behind my shouldersbefore adjusting the neckline of my shirt, bringing it down just the tiniest bit so it’s not coming close to putting tension on my airway. “It means at least some little part of you knows you don’t have to be afraid of me.”
I swallow hard, because we’re edging into uncomfortable territory. But I can’t have him think something that isn’t true. “I’m not afraid of you.”
I know Tobias would never hurt me. Not the way Matt did.
But I still can’t stop myself from reacting in certain ways to certain things.
“I don’t know why I get so jumpy or nervous. I don’t mean to.” I want to control it. More than anything. I just… can’t.
Tobias is quiet for a minute, his expression far away. “It happens for the same reason Titus doesn’t like smelling smoke.”
I want to deny it. Want to tell Tobias that’s not the case.
Because I don’t want to carry what I allowed Matt to do to me for the rest of my life. I want it to go away. I want to forget everything that happened. I don’t want to be reminded over and over of the way I let a man systematically break me down so he could control me. Manipulate me.
Hurt me.
Tobias tips toward me, resting his forehead against mine. “It’s my fault. If I hadn’t been so stupid, you never would’ve gone through what you went through.”
That’s ridiculous. How could what Matt did to me be Tobias’s fault? It couldn’t.
Mostly because it’s mine. I’m the one who let it happen. I’m the one who stayed silent while he made me smaller and smaller and smaller. I’m the one who walked on eggshellsinstead of walking out. I’m the one who made excuses and hid bruises and lied to everyone I know.
I’m the one who almost vowed to let Matt hurt me forever.
And I don’t know how to reconcile that. I don’t know how to see myself as anything but weak. I don’t know how to find my way out of the shame.
And if what Tobias is saying is true—that I’m struggling the same way Titus does—I might never move past this.
But I want to. More than I think I’ve ever wanted anything.
Because I want to move forward. I want to be happy. I want to be strong again. Confident. Brave.
Tobias lifts a hand to my face, curving against my cheek as his eyes meet mine. “If I could go back and change everything, I would. In a heartbeat. The night you told me you were leaving, I would’ve begged you to stay. I would’ve promised you everything you ever wanted and found a way to give it to you.”
I don’t know what to say to that. How to tell Tobias he doesn’t need to feel bad or guilty about the lifeIchose.
And since I don’t know what to say, I accidentallydosomething instead. For the second time, I kiss him, arms holding him tight as my lips find his.
He’s so warm and solid. So strong and steady. He holds me like he never wants to let me go. Kisses me like he might never get the chance again. It’s a heady feeling, being touched by Tobias Bradshaw.
And I can’t get enough of it. Can’t get enough of him. I know I’m supposed to take time. Time to myself. Time to recover. Time to breathe.
But the only air I seem to want is what passes from his lungs to mine.
I must have subconsciously been hoping I’d get a moment alone with him today, because the flowing skirt of my dressmakes it easy to wrap both legs around him when he lifts me up. It offers no resistance as he sets me on his desk and drops to his knees, eyes locked onto my pussy as he eases the line of my panties to one side.
