And since it is her house—and I likely owe her an explanationandan apology—I suck in a deep breath, trying to steady my emotions before saying. “Sure.”
I look up, but don’t stand as Tobias’s mother slides into the room, closing us in before sitting down across from me, her back against the vanity. She takes in my sitting form, looking me over from head to toe before saying the last thing I expect. “I didn’t know he was hurting you.”
My chest goes tight, lungs refusing to work. “Tobias told?—”
She shakes her head. “Tobias didn’t tell me anything.” Her lips curve in a small smile. “But I’m happy to know you’re talking to someone about it.”
I rub my lips together, mind racing through everything I’ve said or done. “Then how did you know?”
“I knew it the second I walked into that room on your wedding day. I saw the terror on your face.” She shakes her head. “I knew you and Matt didn’t share the deep love I was hoping you’d find. But I never would have guessed he was capable of doing the kinds of things that would make a woman run away with nothing rather than simply admitting she doesn’t want to get married.”
It was probably naïve of me to think no one would figure me out. Now that Deidre is offering her perspective of that day, I can see how the explanations for my behavior would be few.
“I was willing to do whatever it took to get you out of that church, but I’m glad you were able to slip away unnoticed.” Her eyes narrow. “It would have been difficult toclaim innocence if I murdered him in front of all those witnesses.”
A laugh bubbles out of me, because an image of Deidre choking Matt with my discarded veil easily flashes to mind.
Then I look at her expression, and find it's as serious as I’ve ever seen it.
“I’m not kidding, Brooke. I would have hurt him.” She cringes a little. “And I likely would have turned on your parents next.”
I’m suddenly so tired. Exhausted in a way that has nothing to do with how much sleep I’m getting. “I don’t know how to make them happy.” A sigh slides out, taking a little more of my energy with it. “I’ve tried for years, and the closest I got was when they found out Matt and I were engaged.” I remember the looks on their faces. The pure joy they were experiencing.
But it wasn’t for me. It was for themselves.
“That’s because they thought they had a one-way ticket to all the money they could spend.” Deidre’s head tips back, resting against the cabinet. “I always wondered how they couldn’t see what an amazing daughter they had. It frustrated me beyond belief that your mother picked you apart every chance she got.” She reaches over, smoothing out the fabric of my dress. “Deep down, I always hoped one day you would see the truth and break free of the hold they had on you.”
“They’re my parents. I’m obligated to be there for them.”
And they used it against me. Any time I would get close to leaving Matt, they would make me feel guilty. Remind me of how much they’d suffered to take care of me when I was a child. All it took to put me through college.
Except they didn’t put me through college. All I got out of them were the signatures required for my financialaid—that I paid back. But in their mind, they provided me with everything.
And it was my turn to pay them back.
Deidre leans forward, her hand gripping my shin as she meets my eyes. “You don’t owe anyone shit.” Her voice is sharp as she continues. “Not Matt. Not your parents. Not me.” She shakes her head. “Not even Tobias.”
I snort. “I’m not sure everyone will see that the way you do.”
My parents absolutely think I owe them, and I know without a shadow of a doubt Matt feels the same. I’m sure he’s slandered my name endlessly. Blamed anything and everything on my shortcomings and failures.
And I’m weirdly okay with that.
“Who cares?” Deidre lifts one shoulder and lets it drop. “Not everyone matters.”
Not everyone matters.
It’s something I’ve never considered before.
“How do I know who does matter?”
Deidre’s lips pull into a smile. “I think you probably already know.” She tips her head. “But, if you want to know how I decide who matters, I think about whether or not I respect a person. If I don’t, then who gives a shit what they think of me?”
It’s actually a pretty simple way to figure that out. I don’t respect my parents. I sure as heck don’t respect Matt.
I do respect Deidre. A lot.
But chiseling down what I feel for Tobias to simple respect doesn’t feel right. It’s too narrow. Too limiting.
