Now that Ruth is in my arms again, I feel like I can breathe for the first time in weeks. Like the sun has come out after being behind the clouds for days.
I know it had to happen, but letting her leave without at least telling her I didn’t want her to go was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.
And I’ve done a lot of dumb shit.
“I can’t believe I thought he wouldn’t find me.” She sniffs against my shirt, burrowing closer. “I was so stupid.”
“You weren’t stupid.”
I kick the door closed, pausing a second before I lock it. William barging inside right now wouldn’t be the worst thing that could happen. I’d be able to beat him to death with Ruth’s tube sock-covered bat and call it self-defense.
But the noise would likely scare Birdie. Plus, it would make a mess we’d have to clean up before leaving for Wyoming, and I don’t want anything to delay them being back in my home.
Ruth being back in my bed.
“Iwasstupid.” She circles her arms around my waist, grip tight. “I should have known he wouldn’t just let me leave.” Ruth’s next inhale is shaky. “He’s never going to leave me alone.”
I cringe. Now doesn’t feel like the right time to confess what I’ve been up to while she was gone, but I can’t keep it from her. Not anymore. “That’s not necessarily true.”
Ruth huffs out a bitter laugh. “He tracked me across the country. It’s absolutely true.”
I don’t know where or how to start this admission, so I just jump in headfirst. “I found three more women like you.”
Ruth slowly tips her head back to meet my eyes. “What do you mean,like me?”
“I mean women who have babies he fathered. Women he’s been threatening.” I don’t know how Ruth is going to react to this, so I brace. She might be upset with me for keeping this from her. For holding back on something so significant. “I reached out to them and discussed the possibility of all four of you taking him on together.”
Ruth’s dark brows lift. “Seriously?”
I swallow hard, because for once, I can’t place the emotions behind that word. “Seriously.” I don’t want her to think I was being maliciously secretive, so I keep explaining. “I wasn’t sure they would be willing. I didn’t want to get your hopes up and then have it all fall through.”
Ruth stares at me silently, and the words continue tumbling out. “I just want you to be able to decide where to go and what to do based on what you want instead of out of fear. I want you to be safe no matter where you are.”
Ruth’s eyes move over my face. “What if I decided I wanted to stay here?”
She’s already said she wants to come home, but that was before she knew safely staying in Maryland might be an option. The possibility she might choose to remain here makes it hard tobreathe, but I manage to force out the words I don’t want to say, even if they’re true. “If you decide you want to stay here, then I will support it.” I’ll hate it, but I will support Ruth no matter how her decisions make me feel, because, “I just want you to be happy, Ruthless.”
A hint of a smile lifts the corners of her mouth. “Me too.” She runs her hands down my chest, smoothing over the wrinkled fabric of my shirt. “Which is why I’m going to let you pack up my apartment and take me back to Wyoming.”
Thank God.
My relief at hearing she’s coming back with me is overwhelming. Apparently also brain-deadening, because I end up making yet another admission. One I’m not quite as sure she’s ready to hear. “I love you.”
A full smile blooms across her face. It’s a stark contrast to her reddened eyes and ruddy cheeks. “That’s really freaking good, because I love you too.”
Ruth lets out a little yelp as I lift her off the floor, gripping both thighs as I urge her legs around my waist. “Hold on tight.”
I’ve touched Ruth plenty of times. She’s touched me nearly as many. But right now the need to feel her is unbearable. The desire to have her the way I haven’t allowed myself before is consuming. Up until tonight, I’ve held back. Denied myself what I really wanted because I knew I wouldn’t let her go if we took that final step.
Now it doesn’t matter, and I can’t move fast enough.
She latches onto me, the squeeze of her limbs possibly the only thing holding me together as I go for the stairs. I’ve been here before, but the place is way more difficult to navigate in the dark, so it takes me a little longer to reach the top landing than I’d like. But once my feet hit the upstairs, I aim for her bedroom, doing my best to be quiet as I close the door and carry her to the bed.
A bed I’m only sleeping in once.
Ruth and I tumble to the blankets together, any ability I have to be thoughtful or calculating gone completely. I’ve spent years building up a skill set I’m proud of, but for some reason, the second I get my hands on this woman, I forget every fucking bit of it. I just want to touch her. To have her touch me. I want to have fun. I want to enjoy being with her.
I want it to matter.
