carter
I cancelmy plans with Arden the next day. I’m still mad, and although I know Peck is nothing more than a little rat, he’s gotten into my head. I think canceling was a shitty thing to do, and I’d physically die if she did it to me, but there is a gaping black hole in my chest that is full of a deep, scary feeling. I don’t trust what I’d say to her if we were to speak face-to-face right now, even though it’s not her fault that Prick did what he did and said what he said.
We go on the road. We’re in New York for a night, and we win. It’s because of my anger that we do, and despite being happy about it, Boston and Declan watch me carefully.
On the plane back home, Lowesy tries to make conversation, but I put on my big, blue headphones, shut my eyes, and shut him out.
When I get home the next morning, she’s waiting in the doorway. I should have expected that. The doorman just lets her in now. I sigh, tearing my sunglasses off, and brush by her, dropping my stuff in the laundry room, trying to find my balls when I slip right past her into the kitchen.
I’m not mad at her, I’m mad at the situation. I’m mad she didn’t listen when I told her all the thoughts this guy had about her. I’m mad she didn’t tell me something happened in the on-call room the other night, even if I don’t believe it’s what he said it was. I do believe something happened. I can feel it in my gut.
“Carter.”
I shut my eyes, tearing open the fridge. I grab an electrolyte drink, glancing at her. “What?”
“Are you kidding me?” she bites out. “What?That’s all you have to say?”
I run a hand over my face. “I’m wiped.”
She whirls back like I slapped her, her brown eyes narrowing. “Why are you giving me the cold shoulder?”
I take a sip and stare at her. I hate how pretty she is, especially when she looks all angry like that. I know she deserves the chance to give me an explanation, especially since we just went through this with Irina, but the longer I had time to stew on him, the more convinced I became that I’m missing something.
“Why,Carter?” she barks.
“Why do youthink?” I shout, and for the first time, this girl looks afraid of me. It’s done though. My tolerance has snapped, my temper has exploded. There is no amount of anger in the world that would ever make me hurt her, but the shouting is something I can’t stop. “God, Red! For a smart girl, you need to start using your fucking brain.”
“You need to start using your fucking words!” she shouts back, slamming the cloth she’s holding onto the counter. She’s glaring across the kitchen at me, steam rolling off her back.
I roll my eyes, sick of these questions. That word. I’m sick of hearing it, sick of her aiming it my way like she’s any fucking better.
“I’m going out,” I grumble, shaking my head. To Lowesy’s. To Boss’. Anywhere outside of this house. I stalk away from her, but of course, she doesn’t let me go far. No, she’s right on my heels, even when I swipe my keys out of the bowl by the table and open the door.
“Step out of that door and our arrangement is done.”
I freeze.
The door is open, and my body is half outside, in the hall. I swallow, hating how easily that stopped me in my tracks. Hating how I just gave myself away by digesting the depth of that threat. I sigh, dropping my shoulders, and step back inside my condo. I slam the door shut as I do and turn to her.
Her arms are crossed in front of her, eyes burning into mine.
“Walk out on me again, and this is over.”
“I heard you the first time,” I snap, tossing my keys in the bowl. I drop my arms. “You’re not going to let me go, and you don’t seem to want me to stay. What the fuck do I do with that?”
Her brow furrows. “When did I say that I don’t want you to stay?”
I gesture between us, my anger subsiding to pure exhaustion. “Does this not feel clear to you?”
“An argument?” she asks. “I’m all for fighting with you, Carter, but that’s if we fight it out. I’ll fight with you every single day if I have to, as long as you don’t walk out of that door. We’re not those people, remember?”
She throws my words from that night in the car right back in my face.
“I don’t want to fight with you.”
“Tough luck,” she snaps. “Why did you cancel our plans before you left?”
I run a hand over my face. “You know why.”
