“How is it?”
I glance at her. “How is what?”
She nibbles on her bottom lip, holding her wine glass close to her chest. “Having money? What’s it like?”
I press my lips together, eyes skirting over her face. I wish I could lie to her. I wish I could tell her that money ruins the greater things in life, that it doesn’t impact the very fabric of who you are, that it doesn’t change much besides the material stuff that makes life a bit more fun.
But that’s a lie. Money makes everything a hell of a lot easier. It’s the cheat code for life. Money can buy you a lot of things, and I truly believe happiness is one of them. Anyone who tells you differently is lying to your face.
It could have paid off her dad’s bills years ago.
It could have given her a much nicer, much safer place to live.
It could have allowed her to take some days off.
“I’ve lived a very comfortable life,” I tell her, and she rests her chin on her knee, listening. “Money is a blessing. I’ve never wanted for much. Always had a bank account to fall back on. Not waking up every morning having to fight to make ends meet is a luxury I know I’m lucky to have.”
She swallows and looks down at her red painted toes.
“I’m sorry life has been so hard for you, Red.”
Her eyes flutter shut at that. Her shoulders droop, like those words had weight.
“You are a remarkable woman. Money or no money.”
Her gaze snaps up to mine, that plump bottom lip wobbling again. With a weighted sigh, she brings her wine to her lips and takes a big, long gulp.
“It just feels like I’m never going to get tolive, you know?”
I watch her. She fidgets with her feet and the stem of her wine glass, but doesn’t look at me. I don’t push her, I know she’s gearing up to talk. To get whatever she wants to say offher chest. She might not realize it, but she’s taking me up on the deal I made with her in the car. If she’s ready to scream, I’m ready to listen.
“I imagined being in my twenties and spending my money on concert tickets for the artists that I love, throwing it at passion projects, travelling the world before I have more responsibilities.” She pauses, swallows, and looks up at me with the saddest eyes I’ve ever seen. “I just didn’t expect to have so many responsibilities before leaving middle school.”
I lean my head back against the couch and listen.
“I was burying my mom before I ever buried feelings for a boy. I was being belittled and bullied by my father before I was being picked on at school. I was stressing out about money before I was even old enough to make any.”
Fuck.
She sucks in this big, shaky breath and breathes out a broken laugh.
“I was a woman before I was ever allowed to be a girl, Carter.” Her tear-filled eyes meet mine, and I force a sad smile. I don’t understand what she’s been through, but I believe her. “I mourn for that little girl every single day of my life.”
Yeah, that’s all I can handle being this far away from her.
I run my hand over my face and skirt down the couch. She’s on the loveseat, but I don’t give a shit. I take her hand, pull her off it, and sit myself down. I tug her onto my lap, and remarkably, she lets me. She puts her wine glass on the side table and, with no prompting, winds her arms around my neck.
I hold her because she needs it, and after hearing that, I want to.
“I wish I could go back in time and change that for you,” I tell her, and it’s true. I hate that this insanely strong woman was born from such a tormented and mistreated little girl. “And I’m not going to pretend to get it, because I don’t, but I will tell you one thing. I’m allowed to, by the way, because I grew up with two of the best women in the world.”
Mom and Ari. The whole reason my heart beats in my chest.
“I know good women when I meet them. You’re a good woman, Red. A fucking incredible one. An amazing sister. And even if you don’t think so, the best daughter in the world.”
She shakes against me, so I hold her tighter, letting her hide her face over my shoulder.
“And your mom would be so proud of you.”
