I don’t trust that I can keep them safe in those moments.
I start to shake my head, but she squeezes my arm.
“Please,” she says softly. “I don’t want anyone to miss their chance to meet you because of me.”
We slow at the gate, and I drag my eyes back to hers. “Neither of us owes them anything.”
It’s hard, though. When I first started, I stopped every single night. I’ve been these kids. I love these kids. I owe a lot to these people. It took time and experience to set some boundaries. It took Boston sitting me down, green eyes serious, telling me that they bought a ticket to watch us play, but that doesn’t cover the cost of making everyone’s wants and wishes come true.
I can’t make everyone happy.
But I have to keep myself sane.
Still, the way Arden’s eyes are all wide and sad when she spots a little girl on her dad’s shoulders—holding my jersey in her hands… I fucking slow the car down. Shit. Apparently, I have no strength when it comes to pretty girls in my passenger seat or sweet little girls who are going to bond with their dad’s forever over this one, tiny moment.
We sit in the chaos zone for over ten minutes. My window is down and the doors are locked. Arden leans against her door,watching with pure enjoyment dancing in her eyes. That’s why I sign every single item shoved in front of me, and that’s why I pose for over twenty stupid selfies.
She’s smiling. At me. A real, gorgeous smile.
When we’re back on the road and away from the crowd, her eyes are still burning into the side of my face. I don’t have to look at her. I know her expressions by heart at this point. I can feel what each of them means.
“What?”
She’s quiet for a second. “Why don’t you have a real girlfriend?”
That question catches me off guard. I look at her. “What?”
She’s staring at me, contemplating. One million thoughts running through that brain.
“You’re surprising. A good man with a good career. You’re a bit easy on the eyes too, I guess.”
I shoot her a look. We both know I’m fucking handsome as hell. She said so herself.
“Why haven’t you settled down?”
I look back at the road, uncomfortable with how vulnerable that question makes me feel. I don’t love pulling back these layers of myself. Not in front of other people. Admitting my shortcomings to myself is hard enough. I clear my throat a bit, shifting in my seat.
“I don’t know,” I admit. “It’s not that I haven’t wanted to. I just… I don’t think I’m the guy people stay with for the long haul, Red.”
She scoffs. “Bullshit.”
I glance at her. Those brown eyes are locked on me, a sour look on her face. I haven’t seen that one before.
“Bullshit,” she says again, this time more assertively. “Yes, you are.”
Well, fuck. The way she sounds so sure of that makes me feel more sure of myself, too.
“That’s easy to say when you’re notactuallydating me, Red. You only see me three times a week and there are no real strings attached to this whole thing. Could you imagine living with me? Having a family with me? Can you imagine life in your sixties with me?”
She doesn’t even pause. I barely finish my sentence.
“Yes.”
“Come on,” I huff a laugh. I lean over to lightly smack her leg, like this conversation isn’t completely warping my heart. “Be realistic.”
“I am,” she says with a defiant little dip of her chin. “What’s there not to want, Carter? You’d be the easiest ‘yes’ of any woman’s life.”
I swallow, rigidly resting my wrist on the top of my steering wheel. I think that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. I was not expecting her to defend me so boldly. To see such good in me and admit it out loud. Not when she’s been trying to keep how much she likes me to a minimum.
