“You want to leave Pittsburgh?” he asks. The hurt in his voice stings. I’m too fragile right now to deal with my brother’s pain, too. I am barely holding myself together.
I sniff. I guess it’s back to lying. “No, I sent those out ages ago. An acquaintance just reached out to let me know. I just don’t like that my reputation is being dictated by a bunch of spineless men.”
He stares at me, and I don’t think he believes me, but he reaches over anyway and takes the remote from my hand. He says nothing. I don’t complain or offer anything more as he puts onSuperbadinstead of the sad, awful shit that I’ve been watching. He stays with me throughout the whole movie, and when it ends, he puts on another comedy and leaves the room. He returns with a pizza full of extra olives, which we eat in silence.
I don’t feel better, but I do feel loved.
Only when he’s getting up to go to bed does he turn to me.
“They’re morons, Ari,” he says. “Anyone would be lucky to have you. Those who aren’t smart enough to recognize that don’t deserve you. Their loss, alright? You’re going to kick ass anyway, it just won’t be with them.”
Those words hurt worse when I think about what I’m really sulking about.Who.It hits a bit harder than it should.
“I keep failing,” I whisper, my eyes burning with tears. “At everything.”
His face softens. “You’re not failing, you’re growing. Pick yourself up and get back to it like you always do. You don’t get anywhere lying in bed. I gave you a week of this, then tried to get you out of it for another week. I’ll force you out of bed tomorrow if you don’t do it on your own. We’ll go get coffee every morning until you start wanting to face the world again.”
I roll my eyes, sinking back into the pillows.
He reaches for the doorknob, turning to look at me. “I love you, kid. This is going to pass, alright? It’s a bad day in a sea of good ones.”
I swallow, but I can’t look at him. “I love you, too.”
“Get some sleep. I’ll wake you up after I get home from practice.”
I sigh, admitting defeat. “You’re buying.”
He snorts. “You say that as if you’ve ever even bothered to pull out your wallet before.”
CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN
ariana
Everything still hurts,but I’m no longer dying.
I might die tonight, though, because for the first time since the night I realized I love him, Boston Black and I are in the same room. It’s Arden’s birthday. Carter rented outIceboxfor her party. It’s an open bar, on my brother’s tab, so I slammed back two martinis before the doors even opened.
It still wasn’t enough when he walked through the door.
Big black coat and a black beanie on top of his dark hair. His thick beard has a fresh trim, that gold necklace he always wears a beckoning light on his neck, like a cruel reminder of all the times I kissed him there. He blows a little pink bubble as he smacks his hand into my brother’s, and I whirl around and shove myself into the booth next to Penny to avoid him. I willingly take a tequila shot with her and Declan, that’s how badly I don’t want to see him.
But…I want to see him at the same time.
Don’t ask me to make sense right now. I’m back in a room with a man that I’m not allowed to love.
I stay glued to Penny’s side, and even though the invite said no gifts, Boston hands one to Arden anyway. I watch her open it,watch her get emotional, and watch her throw her arms around him. He looks uncomfortable at the gesture, but his eyes don’t search for me. That’s what I notice. He no longer looks for me when another woman is giving him attention.
Arden rushes to our booth, eager to show us the wine glass that Boston had engraved with a picture of Wanton. The icy feeling in my chest warms. It’s a sweet, thoughtful gift, and yet another reminder that I should have stayed away. He’s a good man.
I reach for my drink, taking a gulp to try and distract myself. Is my hand shaking? My hand is shaking. Oh my god, I have to get it together.
I feel someone’s gaze burning into me from across the table.
I glance upward, locking eyes with Declan Lowes.
He doesn’t say anything, and when I don’t look away, he sniffs and glances toward the bar. It takes about five seconds, but he eventually excuses himself, heading straight to my brother and Boston.
“EJ said he’s flying down next weekend,” Penny says, snagging my attention.
